My Spirit{ed} Child

These pictures just screamed at me to be used when I sat down to complete my layout for the LCTS latest sketch (#151). You can find the sketch here.

I originally had other pictures picked out, and after I got them printed, I looked through the rest of the album that they came from, and decided that these pictures of Addison playing in the living room curtains needed to be scrapped instead.

The chipboard 'spirit' piece defines Addison to a tee. She's head strong, and knows what she wants and doesn't want- and when she wants it (or not), and nothing else will persuade her to think or believe otherwise. Learning how to raise her and discipline her has me stumped, but thankfully I've come across some resources lately that will hopefully help out with that!

Having said that, she's also our fun-loving clown in the family. She sure knows how to make us laugh- and she sure knows how to have fun! She isn't shy- she's a bigger social butterfly than her daddy and I combined!

To sum up, I just wanted to capture the essence of Addison in this layout. I think this defines her perfectly!!

Coffee with your BFF

I have to apologize for the long absences between my posts as of late. In the grand scale of things, and the way things should be prioritized, this has fallen way down the list- but its constantly on my mind. I enjoy blogging, and I hope that in the future it will pick up again (to the once daily, if not nearly daily) status. For now, working on strengthening my relationship with Kyle is priority; and improving my relationship with my kids is a close second.

We have been attending marriage counselling for a couple of weeks, and its helped us overcome our pride and (on my part) fear of letting him get close to me. We still have a long ways to go, and I have a significant amount of 'baggage' that still needs to be dealt with, but we both feel confident we are 'coming along'. Certain concepts are totally new to me (such as an apparent fear of abandonment), and others are finally being seriously looked at and treated (such as post partum depression/depression). That, in itself, is an incredibly long story. In short, we're keeping an eye on my hormones (especially cortisol, testosterone, etc. because in the recent past, my testosterone levels have been low. It may account for my depression, anxiety and everything I've been feeling and experiencing towards/with the kids). To help things out, I'm on an anti depressant. Phew!

I am happy to report, in addition to working things out (satisfactorily, so far) with Kyle, I also feel like I've made a better connection with Maren. I am trying some different disciplinary methods, and they seem to be working. There's less stress in the house, less anger, and more happiness, and the change is welcome and positive. Things can only keep getting better from here!!

I just wanted to give y'all a little update and let you know how things are going, and where I'm at in my (our) life right now. I miss you and will check in as often as time allows!

In other news, I have a new layout to share!

This layout was completed for Miracles' Momma's Design Diva's. I followed Heather's sketch fairly closely this time. I wanted to pick up the colours the girls' cups are in the photo, so I used a lot of pink and blue. I thought coral worked so well with the pink striped paper, I had to throw that in, as well, and the green was such a nice complimentary colour. That explains my paper choices!

I began thinking of how I could incorporate the girls' new favourite thing into this layout- having 'coffee'. We call it coffee, but really its whatever they're drinking. When I'm pouring it, I pretend like its coffee. Then, they get a spoon to stir it with, and sometimes a snack- because when you're sitting and visiting with your BFF over a cup of joe, you need to have a snack! To tie that idea into this layout, I used the tea pot and tea cup stickers.

And, there you have it. When the kids go to bed, they get 'fresh ice', as we call it- just plain old ice water. Sometimes at supper time or throughout the day they'll drink it, but not often. And, when they do, it NEEDS ice in it. They're like their mommy- won't touch water unless its frozen.

I hope you're all enjoying the beautiful, cooler days! I'm so glad fall has rolled around- I love this time of year! Its got me to thinking that I need to hang my fall-y wreath on the front door. Do you decorate for fall? Any season, or all the seasons?

~a

Happy To See You

Friday means reveal day! Yipee!

Head on over to Lets Capture These Sketches for the latest sketch and all the beautiful work the girls put into their interpretations of it! Truly inspiring!

This is what I did with the sketch:

I created the background using Stampin' Up's Summer Sun ink and Stampendous stamp (from Michaels) Bird Post. I just love it! I used a mixture of scrap papers- some Stampin' Up, some Recollections, some basic card stock, some K&Co. The flower stamp (Hampton Arts Fab Flowers- also from Michaels) in the foreground was done also using the Summer Sun yellow from Stampin' Up.

The finishing touches include using my Creative Memories tag punch, and the cloud I've had for so long I can't remember where it came from. It was the last of its kind, and I'm sad that they're finally all used up. They were so fun to work with! (I had foam stars, clouds, and a few other odds and ends). Luckily I went and bought more foam- now I just need to create my own shapes with it!

Speaking of the cloud, I wanted to mimic the cloud in Addisons sweater, so I created raindrops on my layout using clear rhinestones. And, as we all know, water replenishes the earth, so I positioned it above the strip of flowers!

Finally, the title work is one of Addisons most favourite phrases. It defines who she is- and reminds me so much of myself. I guess its her version of my 'hey, hows it going?' I love it!

I'm about to get pretty personal here, so if you're not interested, then see you tomorrow! If you are, thanks for sticking through, my friend!

**********           ***********            *************              ***********        *****

And, on a personal note, how do you deal with daily, motherly frustrations? Kids not listening, the house in a constant state of disastrous mess, accident upon accident upon accident...I feel like I'm going to crack under the pressure! The worst days always seem to occur when a) Kyle's working late or b) I feel like I've just spent too much time with the kids with no relief.

Which is always the case, since I rarely get out on my own. If I do, its always 'don't be too long' or 'please hurry'.

I give myself 'time outs' during the day but that doesn't seem to work anymore either, because while I'm trying to keep my emotions under control, the kids have gotten into something else that sends it sky rocketing again! I finally reached by boiling point by 8:30 tonight because the kids just didn't seem interested in listening to me. I gave them numerous chances to listen, and options to choose from, and they wouldn't acknowledge any of what I said to them. I even threatened to turn off their beloved Toopy and Binoo (bedtime ritual) and send them straight to bed. That didn't work either. So, they went to bed, with no T and P. They got stories, but that was it.

Maybe there's something to having only two children, but I desperately don't want that to be the case.

I am so devoid of any happiness, I'm utterly at my ropes' end. I am in an incredibly dark spot in my life, right now. So dark, I've reached a point where I hate my life. I hate being a mother more days that I like it, I hate my marriage (more the state its in rather than my actual marriage), I hate my life. All my life is is MOMMYING. There's no room in it for the girl who used to be- just.simply.Alison. Just scrapping every night isn't enough anymore. Sleeping right along with the girls at nap time isn't enough anymore (I think its more an escape than anything else). The two friendships I made when we first moved here have both disintegrated. I'm too shy to go out and make new friends. I'm too shy to even bring my kids to moms and tots groups.

I don't foresee things getting any better, either. Kyle appears to be in the 'up-swing' of work again. There's been nothing through the entire summer, and now that its winding down, work seems to be picking up. Notice how there hasn't been any 'thankfuls' in a long time? I haven't forgotten about it; I haven't given up on it; I still want to work on my list. But, in my current emotional state of mind, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to think of anything positive to be thankful for.

I rarely mention things like this here, and I'll continue to do so. But, I just needed to get off my chest that the girl that used to be is disintegrating, and getting lost in the shuffle and forgotten. And, it sucks and hurts. The.End.

Grass Slipper

How incredibly fun is this nail polish?! I splurged a bit on myself this morning during our grocery shopping trip. This is what I got! I can hardly wait to doll up the toe nails with this fun colour! Its called Grass Slipper. (Cute, right?!)

I just thought I'd share what our chore chart looks like (right now). My mind might be changing as far as the printable chore charts go- this system seems to be working really well for Addison- getting a sticker as a reward for helping out seems to be really good incentive for her. I am not sure yet if its working for Maren- she just kind of seems to be neutral to the whole idea. But, maybe its just that she needs a bit more time to warm up to the idea, or catch on to the whole idea.

Its fairly vague, and the chores that the kids help with needs to be elaborated on, but they each have their own 'chore' that is just theirs; Addisons is helping mama set the table at supper time and taking our dirty dishes to the sink (after supper), and Marens is helping mama load and unload the dishwasher. Both girls need to help mama clean up their toys, and come to bed at bedtime  and nap time without fighting (especially Addison. She's so defiant these days! Terrible two's I think- I hope!! Maren is such an obedient girl.) They can also get 'bonus' stickers, if they help with things like picking up garbage off the floor and putting it into the 'dirty box', as we call it, helping put groceries onto the grocery belt at the till, helping bring the groceries into the house, etc.

Of everything I've found on Pinterest and the internet, this seems to be working and I don't want to mess with it. Maybe as the kids get older and their chores change and they are able to help out more, the way it works will change too. But for now- don't fix what isn't broken!

Lastly, here's another layout I made. This began as another scrap lift, but quickly kind of took its own direction. At least, the inspiration came from sasload4's layout 'Domestic Princess', which you can find by following this link.

Because the kids like playing 'nighty night', I wanted to keep the colour scheme cool and night-like. Also, to play up a starry night sky, I used a polka dot stamp with whisper white ink to create far away stars. I also used some clear rhinestones to help add a little twinkle to the night sky. The white, purple and blue card stock are scraps, as are the blues for the clouds and the stars. (The blue stars were cut with my cricut, and the paper I used was from the Sweet Nectar 6x6 paper pad by K&Co, and the blue of the clouds are from a SU Christmas line). The title work was made also using the same blue paper from the Sweet Nectar paper pad. Lastly, the damask patterned paper in the very back background is Recollections.

Chore Chart and a Layout

I've been researching ways to visually stimulate the kids to become more involved in tasks around the house. I'm getting irritated that everything is always up to me- my husband doesn't even help out (though he does offer to cook on a regular basis). So, I'm enlisting the girls' help around the house. They are getting to the age, anyways, where its time to start learning about responsibility, and contributing to the household chores.

I came across a really neat site- its free- for printable chore charts. They're empty, so you can add which chores you desire. There's also behaviour charts, and a multitude of other tips and hints to help us point our children in the right direction. All you need to do is sign up in order to print what you want (which I didn't care much for, but its a small price to pay for what I wanted).

My plan is to use magnets with their chore mod-podged to them, and a sticker system for every chore they complete. At the end of the week, they'll be able to pick a prize from the goody box for being such a big helper. I haven't figured out yet how I'm going to implement the chore chart. I am not crazy about printing out a new chart every week- I'd rather laminate it and use it over and over again, but then I don't know how to implement the stickers!! The girls are really into stickers right now, which is why I want to use them.

On a different note, here's the latest layout I created. This was the week 4 bonus sketch over at scrapbook.com for the monthly sketch challenge.

The polka dot background patterned paper is Recollections, and the brown patterned paper is K&Co designer paper. I took the brackets that you see, and pop dotted them for some dimension, as well as blended them in with Basic Black ink (SU) using a sponge dauber. They were a black and white damask pattern.

Its very simple, but I'm in love with it!

Watery Bliss

How is everyone enjoying their weekend?? We are having an absolute blast with this hot weather (literally!!) The kids and I headed out to the spray park yesterday- along with daddy- to cool off, and it was soo much fun! The absolute favourite (not necessarily amongst my children, mind you) is this giant tub that fills with water and when it reaches a certain level, it tips spilling water onto a mock roof. Everyone would wait anxiously underneath it for it to fill with water and spill onto them. If you wanted to get wet, that was the way to do it!

Rotary Park was a chaotic zoo yesterday. Everyone was out enjoying the rapids, the pond, the spray park, and getting annoyed with the construction that's also going on at the gates to the park. Oi. But, your reward, once you make it through construction and find a parking space is pure, watery bliss! 

I got a tiny bit of sun yesterday- not as much as I felt like I had, but I am happy. I'm slowly roasting to perfection! 

We will be heading out again this afternoon, I think, with daddy in tow, and the girls' little playmate P. We've (her mama and I) been trying to coordinate a play date for over a month, but with P's mama's work schedule, it just wouldn't cooperate! Now that her busy month is over, and her routine should settle into something a little more human, they'll get the chance to play, and we'll finally have the chance to visit. Yay!

I've got a layout to share with you today:

One of the joys trials of sibling hood is fighting. Fighting over toys, over daddy, over mama, over anything and everything they feel is unjust and unfair. Its also one of my banes of existence! Their screeching- even if its playfully- and not intended to be due to frustration- always makes me hold my breath and wait- for crying, or the sound of skin slapping skin. Not usually in that order, either. 

Before this picture was taken, Maren and Addison were playing in their swimming pool in the backyard. I don't know what they wound up fighting over, but Maren had something in her hand that she ended up using as a weapon against her sister. Yup, that's right. She hit Addison with whatever item it was. 

I don't always think of it- and I'm trying to get better at it-, but I always try to affirm to my kids that its ok to get angry over something. But, its never ok to let your anger get to the point where it boils over and you feel as though physical force is the answer. In other words, hitting is very bad. Especially if its with something that isn't your hand. Also, getting that angry isn't good, either. 

So, as a result, Miss Maren got a time out. I sat her down in one of her Adirondack chairs on the deck, and told her not to move until I said so. I feel bad, because I feel like I kind of missed something when I punished Maren and gave her a time out, and not her sister. I think that's what the tears in this picture are really about. She feels like what I did wasn't fair. I didn't see what caused the fight to begin with; I explained to Maren after her time out that the reason she got it wasn't for fighting with her sister. It was for hitting her. 

And, it breaks my heart when she does this, but when she's mad at me for giving her a hecking, she won't hug me or let me give her a kiss. I've found that if I just let it be for a bit (after her hecking), she's more willing to let me hug her and reaffirm to her that I love her. Probably because she's forgotten about it, and what I say then is kind of mute. Or, is it? Is that just a natural part of parenthood, or am I really a big, mean ogre? 

The journalling in this layout is pretty mushy. I think if you click on the picture, it will appear bigger, but I'm not sure how easy it is to read it:

"My original plan for this layout was to highlight the "mom-isms" you'll encounter as you grow, but instead, I just want to affirm that you are TRULY and INCREDIBLY loved- no matter what happens, whether discipline, disagreements and otherwise. There will always be love, trust, forgiveness, hugs and kisses. I am learning, just like you are. I just hope you never doubt our (my) love for you and how crazy proud of you we are!"

Growing up, my sister and I never heard our parents tell us how proud of us they were (I know of only once that dad told that to me). They say that we, as humans are more prone to remember the negative over the positive, and I believe that with every fibre of my being. We didn't hear much positive stuff from our parents; I am trying to change that with my own children. I tell them often how proud I am of them; how beautiful, how sweet, how wonderful they really are. I will not call my children names, and I will try my hardest to do everything in my power to build up their self esteem rather than destroy it. 

(That paragraph could be its own post- multitude of posts- detailing our childhood and how its affected me as a child and now as an adult- and a married adult at that, too. Maybe one day I will, but not now). But, every time I try and write something positive for my children, my own upbringing is always in the back of my mind. I hope I don't fail my children as a parent!

There is also hidden journalling on my layout. I pulled it out and snapped a picture of it so you could see. On this journalling spot is the story behind the picture. Its a personal little note to Maren,:

"In this particular case, Mommy gave you a time out for hitting Addison- with another object. I want you to learn that hitting is never ok- even if you're upset."

I kept the papers natural and earthy because first of all, the kids were playing outside, so it just seemed right to use papers that reflected that, and secondly, I liked how muted and soft the colours were. I felt as though the picture would take centre stage then, because of Maren's brightly coloured bathing suit. I didn't want too much to compete with it. 

Maren and butterflies are synonymous. I've mentioned her love of butterflies before, and if you've been following me for a while, you'll know that! So, it only seemed natural to add butterflies to her layout. I think they work beautifully here! (They're K & Co). 

The inspiration for my layout is for July's Monthly Sketch Challenge at Scrapbook.com (week one). To see where I posted it, and everyone else's' beautiful work, come over here.

Meet me back here tomorrow to see another layout I completed recently. Hope you enjoy what's left of your weekend!

**

341* the spray park
342* not burning
343* improving my 'tanning' skills
344* having the opportunity to head over there again this afternoon
345* play dates!
346* that the spray park opened (officially) on Canada Day
347* the beautiful country I live in (speaking of Canada Day...)
348* Rotary Park
349* time to chill as a family
350* a babysitter for next weekend

Clueless

Am I failing you, little one?

Temper tantrums, in the last couple days have me worried, confused and at a complete loss. And, I have to admit I am not handling this situation well. I am not proud of how I often react. I don't want to be a short tempered, insensitive mama. I feel as though I am, and that shames me.

I feel as though I'm failing you because I don't know why you get so upset; then you get upset because i don't see what the issue is; a temper tantrum ensues, and then you become irate with me for disciplining you (in the form of time outs in bed). You are being disciplined when you shouldn't be. Are you hungry, like daddy thinks? If its an issue of not being fed enough, how do i provide enough variety from one meal to the next?

Is it something else? Are you not stimulated enough during the day- another reason I am failing you? This has been on my mind for the last few days, too. We'll be doing more together; an activity for us in the mornings, and another in the afternoons. I have to do something creative to keep the good energy flowing!

Have I been going about raising you all wrong? You are entering the "terrible twos"; are you asserting your independence already? You got extremely mad at me when I insisted on holding onto your cup of applesauce; you wanted to do it, and you werent going to take no for an answer. I just wanted to preserve my newly washed floor and another outfit of yours that's going to need to be washed (and it's highway robbery here in the apt). You're showing me none of that matters. You're also showing me that I am about to be schooled in the art of patience!

Help a clueless mama out, baby. You've GOT to make what you want CRYSTAL clear for me, or I'll never get it!

A New 'the Hardest Thing to Do' (as a new mama)

It just doesn't seem right to have to discipline your baby at one years of age.

Since you've been crawling, you're touring around the house, exploring, learning, experiencing a broader world. I am so happy for you that you're at this stage in your life. There are so many things for you to see, do, learn and experience!

Along with that comes things that mama and papa don't want you getting into- for your own safety; like the garbage cans. Those are icky. And the pets' drinking water. I know you love water, and I can't fault you for that--your daddy and mommy love water just as much as you. Their water isn't for playing in. And there's the bath tub. Lately you've taken to trying to get onto your knees inside your little infant tub, and it isn't safe. When mama tells you to stay on your bum, I mean it.

Discipline is the yucky--but necessary--part of parenthood. And, baby, don't doubt that mama and daddy don't love you. We do. We're just looking out for your own wellbeing. When mama gets down on her hands and knees so she can look you in the eye, and slaps your hand, it breaks my heart to do so. I know your crying means I've gotten my point across, but it hurts me to even have to do it.

I don't know if its wrong to pull you into my arms and kiss you shortly after I have to 'punish' you; it makes me feel better, though. I try hard to positively reinforce your actions when you do something--play with something-- that is not off limits. I hope that comes across more loudly than the disciplinary kind...

The same goes for your sister when she finishes her lunch and supper. It makes mama so happy that her appetite is improving (thanks to a happier tummy), and when she starts shaking her head no, she doesn't want anymore, and when she swats my hand away from her mouth, I pull her hand down and patiently wait for her to open her mouth. When that doesn't work, I turn to bribery. (I know, it sounds bad, but I don't think it is. If she finishes the food she doesn't want to eat, she'll get the food she does want to eat--the good stuff!!)

And, when she does finish everything on her plate, mama claps her hands and says 'yayyy!', then I clap her hands together. I can tell by the smile on her face that it makes her feel good--she likes it--and I hope its enough encouragement to keep eating as well as she has been--and continue improving on that with each passing day, too!