Clueless

Am I failing you, little one?

Temper tantrums, in the last couple days have me worried, confused and at a complete loss. And, I have to admit I am not handling this situation well. I am not proud of how I often react. I don't want to be a short tempered, insensitive mama. I feel as though I am, and that shames me.

I feel as though I'm failing you because I don't know why you get so upset; then you get upset because i don't see what the issue is; a temper tantrum ensues, and then you become irate with me for disciplining you (in the form of time outs in bed). You are being disciplined when you shouldn't be. Are you hungry, like daddy thinks? If its an issue of not being fed enough, how do i provide enough variety from one meal to the next?

Is it something else? Are you not stimulated enough during the day- another reason I am failing you? This has been on my mind for the last few days, too. We'll be doing more together; an activity for us in the mornings, and another in the afternoons. I have to do something creative to keep the good energy flowing!

Have I been going about raising you all wrong? You are entering the "terrible twos"; are you asserting your independence already? You got extremely mad at me when I insisted on holding onto your cup of applesauce; you wanted to do it, and you werent going to take no for an answer. I just wanted to preserve my newly washed floor and another outfit of yours that's going to need to be washed (and it's highway robbery here in the apt). You're showing me none of that matters. You're also showing me that I am about to be schooled in the art of patience!

Help a clueless mama out, baby. You've GOT to make what you want CRYSTAL clear for me, or I'll never get it!

Adult time!!

I was worried it was going to be a fiasco. Before we left, one was fussing over something- I'm not really sure what (probably anything I gave her a reason to get upset over) and the other wouldn't stop screaming from the other corner of the living room (in her playpen, which is where she goes fir time outs BECAUSE of her tendency to scream.) only tonight she wouldn't stop; stopping is always rewarded by being taken out of her playpen so she can go play again.

I wanted to cover my ears and scream; I wanted to throw a fit like the other little miss was doing, but instead, I STRESSED to husband that they were getting a dose of advil because I had a suspicion things would continue going so well if they didn't get it.

Bless their little beautiful hearts, tonights visit was the best- dreamiest- unspoiled adult time I've had since the kidlets came around. They played, they had fun, and they always came around to make sure we were still there, but it was am hour and a half of unadulterated adt time.

The space makes them so happy! It makes mama happy too.

It also kills me.

Living in a 32- foot by 15- foot (or however wide it is) space isn't for children. I am do sorry babies! We are doing our best to find a rental, I promise!!

~48~ watching my children soak up the space a house affords them

~49~ having my first real adult visit in a long time!!

~50~ free lunch! And a free supper all in the same
day!!

Double Whammy

You poor, poor soul.

You were fine from 1 o'clock yesterday afternoon until roughly 3 o'clock this afternoon when the diarrhea hit you hard. By 9 o'clock tonight, you began throwing up again- everything you ate at supper (which was only 3 tablespoons of cereal- when you normally eat about 6), and when you woke up at 9, when I tried giving you some pediatric electrolytes drink. You threw some of it up, and then continued throwing up from then on.

The diarrhea is still bothering you, too. I could feel your guts rolling while I held you in my arms. I changed your crib sheets when you woke up at 1 this morning- you'd had a massive accident; I tried giving you more pedia lyte, but when I stood and turned to bring you back to bed, you threw up again.

Its 2 in the morning, you've finally settled, your sister is throwing a tantrum (and I'm trying to ignore her erratic screaming), and I've thrown a load of laundry into the wash. There's enough clothes, jammies and sheets to make up a load. When we wake up next, its going in the dryer, so I can keep on top of keeping you clean in between getting sick. I am waiting up to make sure you and your sister are asleep.

All I can do is keep trying to feed you. That's the best I can do. I just wish cuddling you was sufficient enough to make you feel better (as lately it doesn't seem to be doing the trick anymore).

Get better soon, little trooper!