Down

It is so hard putting a positive face while living in a place like a campground. I just talked with husband on the phone and now I am faltering. I am discouraged.

It frustrates me that the kids don't have grass to play in- only dirt; it frustrates me that things the kids shouldn't get into- like 100 lb. Propane bottles and rakes (why do we have a rake at a campground??), have nowhere to go from curious little hands; it frustrates me that no matter how much I try and organize and keep things tidy, the trailer still looks messy and unkempt.

It's totally open here. I can't stop maren from crawling under the trailer, I can't get her out from under there, I can't stop her from playing on the table and picnic table (because they have nowhere else to play), and I can't stop either of them from getting under foot ALL the time. (ok, that might be part of motherhood, and it doesn't irk me like the rest does).

I am starting to feel like a single mother again. No husband and no help raising two children- or at least no help keeping an adequate eye on them. Husband is proud of the tent, and I am not. It frustrates me too. I think the plastic fences were the way to go--but only as long as there is grass, not dirt. I am frustrated husband doesn't want to move the trailer or have a neighbor "6 inches away" from him. His laziness is his biggest fault. His selfishness is a close second.

How do other oilfield wives deal with the separation, the constant "unknown", and lonely life? Are they as disappointed in their marriages and husbands as I am?

In and Out

Another beautiful day has graced us- this time without the threat of possible rain in the afternoon, so the kids and I are outside basking in the warmth and fresh air. I pulled out their blanket and some toys from inside the trailer, then tied back one of the doors to the tent so they can move about freely. I love that they love playing outside!

We had a quick visit with grandpa K as he was passing through on his way home fro
Peace river, and then since we were already out, I decided to run over to Wally world for a few things. I've been toying with buying a small silk flower arrangement, after seeing another lady in the campground with one gracing her picnic table (along with a pretty tablecloth). But, summer stuff is out and fall stuff is in. It's too early! Maybe next summer, when I have my patio set out, and an actual house to live in!

~26~ good tunes via galaxy on tv
~27~ another opportunity to go camping (or at least a day trip) September long
~28~ a good sleep last night
~29~ watching our favorite summer show together
~30~ random phone calls from mamoo
~31~ the smell of freshly mown grass
~32~ raising their hands over their heads when Mama asks who her big girls are
~33~ the way they clap their hands when they hear the words, "yay", "good job", and "good girl!"
~34~ the way they unintentionally (unavoidably) get dirty when playing outside
~35~ nap time!

In the Deep

When reality finally sets in and you realize the person you thought you knew best isn't at all what you originally thought, and it dawns on you that you don't like who the real person is, what do you do? How do you deal with that? Especially when for the last year and a half you've been racking your brain trying to figure out why that person changed so drastically, quickly and permanently?

All the things that were justified and just shrugged off previously are now the biggest impediments to your relationship. It's possible that resentment is filling in the gaps where compassion and understanding used to reside. Frustration and confusion are taking up residence, too, screaming out, "you know how you feel, but what are you going to do about it- what SHOULD be done about it?"

Nothing is no longer an option. Pain is just going to keep returning and the resentment will only grow as a result. Forgiveness has been asked for and given, but how much more...how much longer? Next time, when things get returned to normal, it will be another excuse of another kind. And forgiveness will be asked for and given.

Just-- why won't it stop?

~21~ loud footsteps of a toddler perfecting the art of walking
~22~ the kind, thoughtful people that hold doors open for us when they see us coming
~23~ two well-behaved children that were easily entertained and preoccupied while their mama visited the doctor
~24~ the sweet way she picks food up off the table and holds it up for mama so she can put it back in the bowl she's feeding her from
~25~ and how her sister has picked up that habit too

More

~11~ how utterly distraught she was when I left her at a friends so I could bring her sister and myself to the clinic. It broke my heart hearing her sobs- even when she was back in my arms and STILL not settling, and it was touching at the same time.
~12~ sweet little Nibbles, the puppy that goes bonkers when we come around
~13~ sunshine and warmth
~14~ slushies on hot summer days
~15~ camping trips and road trips
~16~ the sweet smiles they give when I turn around in the front seat to check on my previous cargo
~17~ gathering with relatives and loved ones and sharing a fantastic long weekend with them
~18~ a cleansing and refreshing shower after a hot, sticky and dusty long weekend!
~19~ freshly washed and dried bed sheets
~20~ snuggles with kitty

There You'll Be

It's been three long years since we gathered with them last; it was at Gwynne, and husband and I were still dating. It would be that Christmas morning that he placed that beautiful, glittery, white gold promise on my finger.

Three summers later, we are back, gathered in a large circle- during the day, wherever there is shade; at night, around the campfire, swapping news, jokes and spreading many hearty laughs.

This time around, there were two little ones in tow, two new boyfriends, new fishing licenses, and a new campsite (to most of us). There was no tv (my most favorite part of the weekend), although there was lots of playing on cell phones (I am guilty of pulling it out every so often as well); they were a handful! The first day, we let them run around- I am so PROUD of and impressed with little maren for the amount she WALKED. There was no crawling of any kind all weekend. JUST walking! Then, we got smart and kept her barefoot. It hurt to walk on the gravel, so she stayed on the blanket we spread out for them to play on. She played really good there.

Miss Addison also BLEW me away--she was not afraid of anyone there. She would willing go to anyone that held their arms out to her. And, she would sit with them, laugh at them, and squeal every so often in delight. When she wasn't being cuddled by someone, she played happily on the blanket too.

At the close of this weekend, there are # things that I've learned:
1-we WILL take the kids camping again
2-less tv equals better quality time together
3-four days is exhausting! (with children this age, at least)
4-hail is ridiculously LOUD in a fifth wheel trailer!
And lastly--
5-no more heating bottles on the stove; the microwave is the way to go!!

Simple Pleasures

Each day my children find something new to delight in and it makes me marvel at their careless abandon for simple joys. It's inspired me, as has a friends blog (you can find her over at kimscorner1.blogspot.com), although my reason for remembering these moments might be different than hers.

~1~ riding in the grocery cart, which always makes her erupt into squeals and giggles
~2~ the way she holds my face in her soft, warm hands and looks unabashedly in my eyes
~3~ oh how my heart melts when she does it!
~4~ pleasant surprises and the blessings that accompany them
~5~ a pending visit from a missed, dear friend later this summer
~6~ the way they both go nuts over their bath times
~7~ how she says "cookie", "no" and "peeka" in that sweet, angelic voice of hers
~8~ listening to her talk in her crib at bed time. The happiness and contentment she exudes in those moments make me so proud!
~9~ finally having some common ground with a relative and *finally* getting over my inferiority complex around her
~10~ warm, sunny days

Tomorrow we are leaving for the weekend; I am looking forward to the annual family camping trip. It was something I dearly missed when we moved to Saskatchewan! I'll post how things went when we return.

Happy long weekend everyone!

Fresh Air

Because space is so limited in the trailer, and because we are camped in the trees without a nice patch of grass for the kids to play in, we decided to buy a picnic tent in order to increase the square footage they could play in.

My husband is so proud he could do something like this for the girls. I am happy they can play out of the house for a while! I don't want them to watch alot of tv, and this is a great way to stretch their imaginations and get some fresh air while they're at it. And as I type this, maren has climbed into her jolly jumper all on her own!! Way to go little bean!!!

(I really want to post a picture, but I'm unable to do so using my iPhone. Another reason I am desperately missing my computer!!)