Deep Within

Guess what? I've got another layout to share with you tonight!

I'm in absolute.love with this one- the sketch (#158 over at Lets Capture These Sketches) was stinkin' awesome, and what came of it just blows my mind away!

Here is my take.

Rather than making the left hand column a vertical photo, I changed it to include hidden journalling. I made a booklet, of sorts, by punching two holes at the top, and tying ribbon through to secure it. Then, I adhered the bottom page to my layout, and the top page flips open from the bottom.

I'm completely in love with the K&Co embellies that have been appearing in my projects as of late. Aren't they gorgeous!? I added some pop dots to the bird to give her a little more dimension, and make her stand out from the other bird that I adhered just below my title work. Everything works so well with the neutral background I chose- I wanted the title block to shine- and the self portraits.

I won't go into details as far as the journalling is concerned, but I will say that it (basically) outlines the feelings and turmoil I felt at my lowest point(s) before things finally turned around. The title work hints at it, too.

Have a fabulous evening!

Coffee with your BFF

I have to apologize for the long absences between my posts as of late. In the grand scale of things, and the way things should be prioritized, this has fallen way down the list- but its constantly on my mind. I enjoy blogging, and I hope that in the future it will pick up again (to the once daily, if not nearly daily) status. For now, working on strengthening my relationship with Kyle is priority; and improving my relationship with my kids is a close second.

We have been attending marriage counselling for a couple of weeks, and its helped us overcome our pride and (on my part) fear of letting him get close to me. We still have a long ways to go, and I have a significant amount of 'baggage' that still needs to be dealt with, but we both feel confident we are 'coming along'. Certain concepts are totally new to me (such as an apparent fear of abandonment), and others are finally being seriously looked at and treated (such as post partum depression/depression). That, in itself, is an incredibly long story. In short, we're keeping an eye on my hormones (especially cortisol, testosterone, etc. because in the recent past, my testosterone levels have been low. It may account for my depression, anxiety and everything I've been feeling and experiencing towards/with the kids). To help things out, I'm on an anti depressant. Phew!

I am happy to report, in addition to working things out (satisfactorily, so far) with Kyle, I also feel like I've made a better connection with Maren. I am trying some different disciplinary methods, and they seem to be working. There's less stress in the house, less anger, and more happiness, and the change is welcome and positive. Things can only keep getting better from here!!

I just wanted to give y'all a little update and let you know how things are going, and where I'm at in my (our) life right now. I miss you and will check in as often as time allows!

In other news, I have a new layout to share!

This layout was completed for Miracles' Momma's Design Diva's. I followed Heather's sketch fairly closely this time. I wanted to pick up the colours the girls' cups are in the photo, so I used a lot of pink and blue. I thought coral worked so well with the pink striped paper, I had to throw that in, as well, and the green was such a nice complimentary colour. That explains my paper choices!

I began thinking of how I could incorporate the girls' new favourite thing into this layout- having 'coffee'. We call it coffee, but really its whatever they're drinking. When I'm pouring it, I pretend like its coffee. Then, they get a spoon to stir it with, and sometimes a snack- because when you're sitting and visiting with your BFF over a cup of joe, you need to have a snack! To tie that idea into this layout, I used the tea pot and tea cup stickers.

And, there you have it. When the kids go to bed, they get 'fresh ice', as we call it- just plain old ice water. Sometimes at supper time or throughout the day they'll drink it, but not often. And, when they do, it NEEDS ice in it. They're like their mommy- won't touch water unless its frozen.

I hope you're all enjoying the beautiful, cooler days! I'm so glad fall has rolled around- I love this time of year! Its got me to thinking that I need to hang my fall-y wreath on the front door. Do you decorate for fall? Any season, or all the seasons?

~a

Mending

We've weathered your first flu bug together, and I think its made you realize that mama doesn't just have time for your sister.

When daddy came home from work this afternoon, and he held out his hands to you for a little snuggly hello, you ignored him and began fidgeting with the locket around my neck. Daddy was a bit surprised. I have to admit, so was I. Daddy is your hero!

Maybe, after the last three days, mama's become a hero in your books, too. That makes me proud.

And relieved. A part of me was (is) afraid that on some level, you're going to think or believe that I like you less than your sister. Its insecurity, I'm sure it is, and its a hope. I hope you don't grow up believing that, because it isn't true. Just read through my blog and you'll find it isn't true.

I think you are finally beginning to feel better. There is color in your cheeks again, your busy, easily distractable personality is coming back to life (though there is no twinkle in your eye yet), and your sweet smile- scrunched up nose and squinty slits for eyes- is on its way back. I fed you formula tonight and you held it down! 6 ounces of it! That's remarkable, considering earlier this afternoon you weren't even able to hold 2 ounces of pedialyte.

In the morning- cereal!

Liar Liar

We are lucky enough to be heading into Regina next Friday for the appointment we've been worrying over--rather than waiting the dreaded three months to see the pediatrician, we have only a week to wait!

Fewf!!

But...

We are being made into liars.

Partly.

Missy Moo seems to be pulling out of the funk that she's been in the last two months. She is napping better again, her appetite seems to be returning, and although she had one minor hiccup at 6 this morning, the crying fits seem to be subsiding, too.

Though, that doesn't explain why her right knee won't reflex when its hit with the rubber mallet.

But, maybe--hopefully--everything is interrelated and we can get all our concerns answered in one shot. I will insist that both girls be sent to an allergist or have allergy testing done. I have a nagging suspicion there are allergies at play. Some how, in some small part.

However, I am still going to keep the appointment we booked with a NICU doctor (in the meatime), just in case we are not satisfied with the answers we get from this pediatrician.

And, in a last ditch effort, if none of that pleases me, I am bringing her to Alberta, and I'll find a doctor there that will listen to me and do something about it...

But, since I am staying positive and hopeful this is going to turn up some long awaited answers, I'm really looking forward to next Friday!!

Weary

How is it possible for the pendulum to swing from one extreme to the next from one day to the next? Its been so long since I had a day where I (almost) enjoyed having children again--the last one being when they came home from the hospital--and it was the first time since then that I felt myself begin to relax even, too.  (A little prematurely, unfortunately). That is how I perceive our days should be- full of happy, content-to-play-on-their-own-and-succeed-at-entertaining-themselves--without crying for no explainable reason ninety percent of the day--babies, and mama's that can get some chores done, and some reading (if she wants), and relish/bask/soak up the warmth, peace and serenity the break has provided her.

A day has passed between the 'full of happy, content-to-play-on-their-own-and-succeed-at-entertaining-themselves--without crying for no explainable reason ninety percent of the day' day and the 'so-miserable-I-don't-think-I-can-possibly-go-on' type of day. I was reminded during a phone call last night that a new day always begins and we have the opportunity (gracefully) to start over again. What great encouragement! And, so true. Each and every day I have the opportunity to choose my attitude; each and every day is another opportunity to practice my belief in the power of positivity. Good will come if I believe it will.

I believe it will, and I hope with every ounce of me that it will.

And. it. will.

So, although my spirit today was blessed with another much needed rest--with children, the rest of me desperately looks forward to a couple of hours this weekend--without children.