Somebody...

Did you hear? I'm having a giveaway! For more details, scroll down, or click on this link to head straight over there, and click here to see what's included in the RAK!

I wanted to find a layout with room for lots of journalling on this one (and, as it turns out, there still wasn't enough room, lol). There is a small piece of orange card stock thats peeking out from behind all the other layers of patterned paper, at the top of the page. That little piece of paper looks as though its part of the layering, but it isn't! Its actually more journalling. I figured it would work, since the title work is also in the same colour.

Oi. Where do I start on this one? I've alluded to personal struggles in my blog before. I am not sure if I've alluded to the marital problems we are also facing. The bottom line is our communication sucks, and in a few short days, we'll be seeing someone that hopefully will be able to help us straighten things out and get us (eventually) back to where we started- or even better- beyond where we started.

The personal struggles- all stem back to feeling overwhelmed raising the twins on my own. At least, that's the way it feels. When Kyle is busy with work, he's rarely around. When he is around, he offers very little help around the house and with raising the kids. My plate is full and its wearing me down- and out. I can't help but feel incredibly jealous of the freedom he has in coming and going- as he pleases and when he pleases. I don't get that luxury anymore. In fact, all the 'luxuries' that I took for granted when we were dating, married (and when I was single) have all been stripped from me. My whole world day, night and otherwise, is KIDS- dirty diapers, fighting toddlers, wiping up messes, trying to stay on top of my own messes and HIS to boot, keeping everyone happy (though miserably failing in that department) and somehow, in between everything else, magically finding time for myself.

The luxury of friends, the freedom to 'pick up and go' as I please, being alone, doing what I want and what I like- all of that takes the back seat because I have to ensure everyone else is cared for first. So much so, that I don't even remember who I was, what I was like, what I liked to do (other than scrapbooking, naturally). Now all I know is constant anger, frustration, and unhappiness.

When everything is stripped away- the frustration, the exhaustion, the depression, the loneliness--I LOVE what I have- a husband and two beautiful children. I still want more.

But, what I need is for my husband to realize that I need help, and I need to carve out some time for myself- alone- and time with him, as a couple. There are several key areas in our relationship that's been lacking for a number of years, and no matter how often I bring up the subject, and tell him what I need, nothing ever changes. I don't know how to get through and how to open his eyes to the reality of what things are. The thing is, I want his help with some things before I go to someone else for help. This is his family, not somebody else's. When he takes responsibility for his kids too, one hurdle will be overcome. All that means is I want him to offer to bath the kids every once in a while, change dirty diapers every once in a while, bring the dishes to the sink for me and rinse them off (or better yet, if I'm not feeling good, or if I've run out of time and need to do something else, jump in and get the dishes/vacuuming/ tidying up, etc. done without me even having to ask!) clean up his own messes instead of waiting for me to do it for him, and realize that I need to get out (and getting a job isn't my idea of 'free time' and 'personal time') and give me the freedom to do that without feeling pressure to get home as soon as possible, or guilt for even wanting some time for myself.

While it sounds like he's massively lazy, he does do a few things to help me out (such as mowing the lawn and every once in a while, cooking supper, and taking the garbage to the curb), there isn't much else that he willingly does around the house. I mentioned above that I want him/need him to take responsibility for his family. He also needs to take responsibility for himself. The only thing (in my opinion) he prides himself on is his job. He devotes all of his time to his job, and has little- if anything at all- left for anything else after he comes home. Its to the point where I need to figure out how I would be able to get the lawn mowed myself, with the kids hanging around, or how I'm going to get weeding done (in the front yard) with the kids around, or even how I could wash my own vehicle in the driveway without worrying about them running away. Some things just aren't possible for me to do right now, and because of his lack of enthusiasm/motivation/dedication, I have to figure out how to do even that on my own. Everything just keeps piling on top of everything else.

And, I'm drowning in it.

Well, in a pretty bit nutshell, that's what this layout is about. Though, the journalling in my layout is the abridged version of what I've written here. Truthfully, I could write a whole lot more- nasty, hurtful, vengeful- all types of words, but I won't. I don't need to. The day is coming where I can get everything off my chest- in a controlled, and safe environment. And, that's not to say I'll be rude and mean (intentionally) about it. I can't say where our relationship will be after all is said and done, but hopefully we can work through it all!

Happy To See You

Friday means reveal day! Yipee!

Head on over to Lets Capture These Sketches for the latest sketch and all the beautiful work the girls put into their interpretations of it! Truly inspiring!

This is what I did with the sketch:

I created the background using Stampin' Up's Summer Sun ink and Stampendous stamp (from Michaels) Bird Post. I just love it! I used a mixture of scrap papers- some Stampin' Up, some Recollections, some basic card stock, some K&Co. The flower stamp (Hampton Arts Fab Flowers- also from Michaels) in the foreground was done also using the Summer Sun yellow from Stampin' Up.

The finishing touches include using my Creative Memories tag punch, and the cloud I've had for so long I can't remember where it came from. It was the last of its kind, and I'm sad that they're finally all used up. They were so fun to work with! (I had foam stars, clouds, and a few other odds and ends). Luckily I went and bought more foam- now I just need to create my own shapes with it!

Speaking of the cloud, I wanted to mimic the cloud in Addisons sweater, so I created raindrops on my layout using clear rhinestones. And, as we all know, water replenishes the earth, so I positioned it above the strip of flowers!

Finally, the title work is one of Addisons most favourite phrases. It defines who she is- and reminds me so much of myself. I guess its her version of my 'hey, hows it going?' I love it!

I'm about to get pretty personal here, so if you're not interested, then see you tomorrow! If you are, thanks for sticking through, my friend!

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And, on a personal note, how do you deal with daily, motherly frustrations? Kids not listening, the house in a constant state of disastrous mess, accident upon accident upon accident...I feel like I'm going to crack under the pressure! The worst days always seem to occur when a) Kyle's working late or b) I feel like I've just spent too much time with the kids with no relief.

Which is always the case, since I rarely get out on my own. If I do, its always 'don't be too long' or 'please hurry'.

I give myself 'time outs' during the day but that doesn't seem to work anymore either, because while I'm trying to keep my emotions under control, the kids have gotten into something else that sends it sky rocketing again! I finally reached by boiling point by 8:30 tonight because the kids just didn't seem interested in listening to me. I gave them numerous chances to listen, and options to choose from, and they wouldn't acknowledge any of what I said to them. I even threatened to turn off their beloved Toopy and Binoo (bedtime ritual) and send them straight to bed. That didn't work either. So, they went to bed, with no T and P. They got stories, but that was it.

Maybe there's something to having only two children, but I desperately don't want that to be the case.

I am so devoid of any happiness, I'm utterly at my ropes' end. I am in an incredibly dark spot in my life, right now. So dark, I've reached a point where I hate my life. I hate being a mother more days that I like it, I hate my marriage (more the state its in rather than my actual marriage), I hate my life. All my life is is MOMMYING. There's no room in it for the girl who used to be- just.simply.Alison. Just scrapping every night isn't enough anymore. Sleeping right along with the girls at nap time isn't enough anymore (I think its more an escape than anything else). The two friendships I made when we first moved here have both disintegrated. I'm too shy to go out and make new friends. I'm too shy to even bring my kids to moms and tots groups.

I don't foresee things getting any better, either. Kyle appears to be in the 'up-swing' of work again. There's been nothing through the entire summer, and now that its winding down, work seems to be picking up. Notice how there hasn't been any 'thankfuls' in a long time? I haven't forgotten about it; I haven't given up on it; I still want to work on my list. But, in my current emotional state of mind, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to think of anything positive to be thankful for.

I rarely mention things like this here, and I'll continue to do so. But, I just needed to get off my chest that the girl that used to be is disintegrating, and getting lost in the shuffle and forgotten. And, it sucks and hurts. The.End.

A Layout and Christmas Candy

Hi everyone!

Ever get totally side tracked while you're trying to compose a post? It never happens to me. I want to share a layout with you; its a scrap lift of another layout I saw on Scrapbook.com, and I saved it to my Pinterest for future reference. Well, in the natural course of things, I went to the board that I wanted--well, not quite. Not before I browsed through the home page and pinned a few other things that really caught my eye. Obviously Christmas is on everyone's minds- because the Christmas theme isn't just showing up on cards! (Maybe it has something to do with how hot its been all over the place? Just taking a stab in the dark on that one...) Then I went to the particular board that I wanted.

The inspiration behind my layout came from Sasload4's layout 'Domestic Princess'. I absolutely loved the way she placed her pictures, and the strip of card stock bordering them with the stars inset in it. So pretty. I wanted to replicate it!

Here's what I came up with:

Rather than using three pictures, like Sandra did, I only used one- which is a 5x7. I put the border strip along the top- in an attempt to create a night-like sky. I also used black card stock to further enhance the theme. My girls like playing 'night-night'- they pretend to sleep; they'll lay on the floor, pretend to snore, then jump up shouting, 'wake up, wake up'! They get even more excited when mama and daddy play along with them. (I think its actually mama and daddy that inspired them to play this game in the first place!!)

The purple strip of card stock was stamped with an SU Easter set- the polka dots reminded me of stars in the sky that are far, far away and clear rhinestones help add the sparkle factor to my night sky. Pop a few stars up there, and a cloud or two, and voila! You're basically done!

So, now that I mentioned it, are you wondering what the items were that I found on Pinterest that snagged my attention?

I thought so.

 candles, adorable cutlery, and two fabulous cards- one of which I want to scrap lift into a layout.

Aren't the candles and the cutlery fabulous??! I have a grocery bag full of pine cones that mom collected for me, then gave me, and I've been somewhat cruising around looking for creative uses for them. This is definitely one that I want to try out! Also, I've found a way to use up this one particular set of cutlery that we don't like using! Yay!

Have a great night everyone. See y'all again tomorrow!

~a

Leap of Faith

The first step of many to come in the near future was taken last week, making me--officially--a stay at home mom!

My dream--what I've wanted for as long as I can remember--has finally come to be.

Now if only I could perfect the art of domestication!!

Well, I suppose I have the next five years- maybe more- to do it!

Next on that list, while I am working at Maren-proofing the house, is decluttering and 'thinning out'. We have too much junk and stuff we never look at--and no longer need--and it all is either being thrown out or going to the Salvation Army.

Or being sold.

I have a Rubbermaid container full of scrubs that I am fairly positive I will never wear again. Truthfully, I didn't need them to begin with. I just liked the idea behind them- not having to think about what to wear on a particular morning before heading to work. Besides, some unit clerks in the hospitals wear scrubs, so why couldn't I? They're comfortable and a lot of them out there are fairly flattering...

All this will help when the final step is taken...