It never fails: after a wonderful night, the day following it is awful.
The entire day, up until now, has been full of crying. And, nothing is making her happy. Put her in your lap, and she slides out like she wants to lie down. Lie her down, and she cries because she doesn't want to be lying down. Offer her food, and she shakes her head no. Put her to bed, and she cries even harder, throwing the occasional scream in there. Give her Gripe water, hoping it will calm her down (thinking it could be an upset tummy), and it has no effect. Put her in the jolly jumper, exersaucer, sit her up to play on the floor--nothing makes her happy. Not even a bowl of bananas, which are her favorite. Nothing is working today. I refuse to hold her these days--her sister is jealous enough as it is, and I can't carry baby around all day long. I want her to learn to be independant, but the harder I try to do that, the tighter she clings to me.
My next options are to just put her to bed and let her cry it out, or give her advil and follow the previous anecdote. She's already woken her sister up, who was napping peacefully in their room. I'm hiding in the basement--I can still hear her crying, and her sister occasionally kicking the side of her crib. I've vetoed giving her advil for now--her pediatrician says its bad, so I'm trying my hardest not to give it to her. The GP in town says that Tylenol is ok to give, but I don't want to give that to her, either. She's had too much drugs in her short life already.
But...I'll start after the babysitter leaves this afternoon. She'll be here in forty five minutes, and for her own sanity, I'll give baby advil in the hopes it will brighten and cheer her up.
It breaks my heart. I've finally decided that all I can do from now on is to just put her to bed, and let her cry. Let her cry until either happiness returns, or she falls asleep. I should go get her sister up out of bed, but its going to send her into another massive fit. I don't want her to see me.
They are going to nap in separate rooms from now on: I'll pull the play pen into our room and let one baby sleep in our room, and other in their own room. That way neither of them will interrupt eachother.
Oh, dear...what can I take, short of drinking and smoking and doing drugs? (None of which I'll do, of course, but sometimes its ohhhh so tempting...) for my own sanity?????
I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. I hope that the babysitter is able to give you a break so you can rest. =0(
ReplyDeletei know the feeling.... until recently addy would not let me put her down. *EVER*** i wore her in my wrap and h was jealous, but i firmly believe that by responding to her needs though they seem unreasonable to me they arnt for her she needs to be close and have pressure on her tummy. she is just sensitive and needs the extra contact.
ReplyDeleteI can not leave her to cry she just gets louder. and anytimes she does fall asleep if i didnt get her right away when she wakes up its obvious she gave up and didnt soothe herself. and she is even worse than when i started. the term used is called "learned helplessness" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness but it is easy to confuse with self soothing, they didnt soothe they gave up trying and exibit signs of depression. babies unless naturally inclined don't self soothe. they just arnt mature enough to until they are preschool age and even then thats iffy. we are there to soothe them and teach them we are there for them and in that way by teaching them their needs will be met do they learn independence (true independence)
Addy now is finally at 10 mo old letting me put her down to play but she is mobile. she was so much of a suck until she could move around...
and poor H often was the odd man out. I made as much time as i could for her but it wasnt enough she needed me more.
one time just recently i let her (h) cry it out because she was tired but fighting it and i needed a nap. she eventually fell asleep but she would not calm down when she woke up would not let me hold her would not look me in the eye she pushed me away and pouted until daddy came home then he soothed her and some 3 hours later after she woke up did she calm down after time with daddy.
for the most part even with haveing two kids ive managed to for the most part get to addy before she gets crying, or i copy the sounds she is making in some circumstances to show her i know she is upset and sometimes it makes her smile. sometimes not.... that girl can wail...
saw somewhere that children develop a parent specific tone that seems to affect their parents more than other people... though addys screams are beyond that decibel and would bother anyone in earshot with hearing....
from the constant feeding to the constant holding i nearly lost my mind too. but in all honesty this doesnt last forever and soon they will be embarrassed to be around me so i am soaking this for all its worth. (for the most part) I *chose* to make the best of it, though i have my days where i just need to hand them both off to daddy and go have a nap. but then they arnt alone, cryng. and even then with addy my best course of action if that still doesn't work is go to bed and cuddle/nurse her to sleep, then all is right in her world. she goes from banshee to quiet and content in milliseconds its that much of a contrast.
http://www.essortment.com/all/attachmentparen_oja.htm
ReplyDeletehave a look you may find something in there that despite it being contrary to the Victorian authoritative way we are taught to parent in our society. beleive me i thought it was a bit much until i tried it. it seems much more natural. and most of the world does this it isnt necessarily tradition it just is how things are done, they follow instinct to parent. we spend our time asking dr's and looking in books for ways to ignore it.
I too am sorry that you are having a hard time. I wish I knew some tricks to help you with the crying baby. I also wish I could come help you more and for that I am sorry! I will continue to lift you up in prayers!
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