Feels like fall

Our last week living in the trailer is finally here. We officially get the keys to the apartment at noon on Friday. It won't come fast enough!

After witnessing the glee the girls displayed over the amount if space they would have (both when we had a look at the apartment AND at grandma's in Oyen, all I feel is relief and anticipation. The girls are going to love it; and, when this novelty wears off, they're going to love a house!

Now that summer us winding down, so are we. Weddings are all done, camping is all done, visits from family is done (for the time being). Hunting in november is the last item on our agenda- oh and swimming lessons. I enrolled the kids in October. I am SUPER excited about that! My mother in law will hoPefully come out and help me with the twinlets; mommy is planning to get involved in lots of things, too- including (maybe) a trade show!

It's going to feel so good to get SETTLED and back into a mire structured routine!

Adult time!!

I was worried it was going to be a fiasco. Before we left, one was fussing over something- I'm not really sure what (probably anything I gave her a reason to get upset over) and the other wouldn't stop screaming from the other corner of the living room (in her playpen, which is where she goes fir time outs BECAUSE of her tendency to scream.) only tonight she wouldn't stop; stopping is always rewarded by being taken out of her playpen so she can go play again.

I wanted to cover my ears and scream; I wanted to throw a fit like the other little miss was doing, but instead, I STRESSED to husband that they were getting a dose of advil because I had a suspicion things would continue going so well if they didn't get it.

Bless their little beautiful hearts, tonights visit was the best- dreamiest- unspoiled adult time I've had since the kidlets came around. They played, they had fun, and they always came around to make sure we were still there, but it was am hour and a half of unadulterated adt time.

The space makes them so happy! It makes mama happy too.

It also kills me.

Living in a 32- foot by 15- foot (or however wide it is) space isn't for children. I am do sorry babies! We are doing our best to find a rental, I promise!!

~48~ watching my children soak up the space a house affords them

~49~ having my first real adult visit in a long time!!

~50~ free lunch! And a free supper all in the same
day!!

Don't Blink or You'll Miss It!

~41~ watching as she so quickly is catching up to her {slightly} older sister

~42~ the sweet, rubbery sound of a sucky being vigorously worked out during nap time

~43~ listening to two angelic girls telling their mama tall tales throughout the day

~44~ spending the majority of the day with my dear MIL

~45~ a grocery shopping trip sans kids

~46~ a renter to stay in our house in manor and provide us with a little more income (yay)!!

~47~ learning to sign "more", even if it's just a hand gesture right now and nothing more

BPPV

...or in other words, vertigo.

Over the last few months, there have been occasions of unusual motion sickness and car sickness, but it's never lasted more than a day. Driving erratically caused it; other unknown reasons caused it. The next day was always better.

Severe nausea was never a symptom until this weekend- only dizziness. For the past three days, the only thing that's held the nausea at bay is sheer determination (I haven't thrown up yet). Nothing has prevented the dizziness.

It's the worst feeling in the world.

Web MD says that symptoms go away on their own (for some people) in a few weeks.

For the rest, just get used to it.

Neither of those are options when you have two busy children and a husband and household to watch over.

I suppose tomorrow means another trip to the doctor...

Say What?

Unfortunately, I can't seem to properly cut and paste a link to YouTube, and as a result, the whole point of this post is going to be somewhat understated, but I still have to share.

Neither of my kids seemed to interested in sleeping a few nights ago, and in an effort to try and lull maren back into dreamland, I knelt beside her makeshift bed and stroked her forehead while she told me all kinds of tall tales.

Evidently, one of her stories related to her foot, because at one point, she kicked her comforter off one foot, lifted it up for me to see, and wiggled it.

(This is where I would have posted the link), but since I am unable to you'll have to do it on your own. Remember the video with the twin babies having a conversation together? You can find the video on you tube when you search for twin babies talking to each other. There are two videos of them, so make sure you search for the right one (it's titled version two or something along those lines).

Enjoy!!

Storm!

Me and storms do not mix. They terrify me- especially during the overnight hours. When kids came along, I suddenly had to learn to swallow that fear and not let it get the best of me when they are around me. And, truthfully, sometimes I fail in that area- Addison sensed my anxiety when a hail storm blew through the campground last weekend. Thankfully, my mother in law ran over to our trailer just in the nick of time to make sure I was alright. She cuddled Addison while I tended to miss maren in the bath tub.

Last night, a storm rumbled through our area. Luckily, it wAs late in the evening, and the kids were fast asleep. After every super sonic loud bang, and after I relaxed after it shook my bones, I'd freeze again, worried the loud noise had woken up either or both my children.

I am so glad they did not inherit my fear of storms, and I am so glad that I think I'm succeeding in showing them storms are nothing to get worried over. Sometimes really loud ones surprise the girls- I can see it in their faces, but then they forget about it and carry on like nothing happened. Phew!!

I am also glad husband wAs there to cuddle me through it all.

~36~ both girls waving "hi hi" while we were in the grocery store- Addison to a man behind us in line at Wally world and maren to anyone that would pay attention to her as we left IGA.

~37~ glorious two hour naps after long nights lying awake waiting for thunderstorms to play themselves out (either the girls are coming down with something or they're currently in a growth spurt because over the last couple days, naptime has stretched to two hours or beyond. It's AMAZING!! I love it!)

~38~ snuggling up close to husband and clinging to him when I got scared

~39~ warm showers that feel particularly good for no particular reason

~40~ making a crad for someone special

Down

It is so hard putting a positive face while living in a place like a campground. I just talked with husband on the phone and now I am faltering. I am discouraged.

It frustrates me that the kids don't have grass to play in- only dirt; it frustrates me that things the kids shouldn't get into- like 100 lb. Propane bottles and rakes (why do we have a rake at a campground??), have nowhere to go from curious little hands; it frustrates me that no matter how much I try and organize and keep things tidy, the trailer still looks messy and unkempt.

It's totally open here. I can't stop maren from crawling under the trailer, I can't get her out from under there, I can't stop her from playing on the table and picnic table (because they have nowhere else to play), and I can't stop either of them from getting under foot ALL the time. (ok, that might be part of motherhood, and it doesn't irk me like the rest does).

I am starting to feel like a single mother again. No husband and no help raising two children- or at least no help keeping an adequate eye on them. Husband is proud of the tent, and I am not. It frustrates me too. I think the plastic fences were the way to go--but only as long as there is grass, not dirt. I am frustrated husband doesn't want to move the trailer or have a neighbor "6 inches away" from him. His laziness is his biggest fault. His selfishness is a close second.

How do other oilfield wives deal with the separation, the constant "unknown", and lonely life? Are they as disappointed in their marriages and husbands as I am?

In and Out

Another beautiful day has graced us- this time without the threat of possible rain in the afternoon, so the kids and I are outside basking in the warmth and fresh air. I pulled out their blanket and some toys from inside the trailer, then tied back one of the doors to the tent so they can move about freely. I love that they love playing outside!

We had a quick visit with grandpa K as he was passing through on his way home fro
Peace river, and then since we were already out, I decided to run over to Wally world for a few things. I've been toying with buying a small silk flower arrangement, after seeing another lady in the campground with one gracing her picnic table (along with a pretty tablecloth). But, summer stuff is out and fall stuff is in. It's too early! Maybe next summer, when I have my patio set out, and an actual house to live in!

~26~ good tunes via galaxy on tv
~27~ another opportunity to go camping (or at least a day trip) September long
~28~ a good sleep last night
~29~ watching our favorite summer show together
~30~ random phone calls from mamoo
~31~ the smell of freshly mown grass
~32~ raising their hands over their heads when Mama asks who her big girls are
~33~ the way they clap their hands when they hear the words, "yay", "good job", and "good girl!"
~34~ the way they unintentionally (unavoidably) get dirty when playing outside
~35~ nap time!

In the Deep

When reality finally sets in and you realize the person you thought you knew best isn't at all what you originally thought, and it dawns on you that you don't like who the real person is, what do you do? How do you deal with that? Especially when for the last year and a half you've been racking your brain trying to figure out why that person changed so drastically, quickly and permanently?

All the things that were justified and just shrugged off previously are now the biggest impediments to your relationship. It's possible that resentment is filling in the gaps where compassion and understanding used to reside. Frustration and confusion are taking up residence, too, screaming out, "you know how you feel, but what are you going to do about it- what SHOULD be done about it?"

Nothing is no longer an option. Pain is just going to keep returning and the resentment will only grow as a result. Forgiveness has been asked for and given, but how much more...how much longer? Next time, when things get returned to normal, it will be another excuse of another kind. And forgiveness will be asked for and given.

Just-- why won't it stop?

~21~ loud footsteps of a toddler perfecting the art of walking
~22~ the kind, thoughtful people that hold doors open for us when they see us coming
~23~ two well-behaved children that were easily entertained and preoccupied while their mama visited the doctor
~24~ the sweet way she picks food up off the table and holds it up for mama so she can put it back in the bowl she's feeding her from
~25~ and how her sister has picked up that habit too

More

~11~ how utterly distraught she was when I left her at a friends so I could bring her sister and myself to the clinic. It broke my heart hearing her sobs- even when she was back in my arms and STILL not settling, and it was touching at the same time.
~12~ sweet little Nibbles, the puppy that goes bonkers when we come around
~13~ sunshine and warmth
~14~ slushies on hot summer days
~15~ camping trips and road trips
~16~ the sweet smiles they give when I turn around in the front seat to check on my previous cargo
~17~ gathering with relatives and loved ones and sharing a fantastic long weekend with them
~18~ a cleansing and refreshing shower after a hot, sticky and dusty long weekend!
~19~ freshly washed and dried bed sheets
~20~ snuggles with kitty

There You'll Be

It's been three long years since we gathered with them last; it was at Gwynne, and husband and I were still dating. It would be that Christmas morning that he placed that beautiful, glittery, white gold promise on my finger.

Three summers later, we are back, gathered in a large circle- during the day, wherever there is shade; at night, around the campfire, swapping news, jokes and spreading many hearty laughs.

This time around, there were two little ones in tow, two new boyfriends, new fishing licenses, and a new campsite (to most of us). There was no tv (my most favorite part of the weekend), although there was lots of playing on cell phones (I am guilty of pulling it out every so often as well); they were a handful! The first day, we let them run around- I am so PROUD of and impressed with little maren for the amount she WALKED. There was no crawling of any kind all weekend. JUST walking! Then, we got smart and kept her barefoot. It hurt to walk on the gravel, so she stayed on the blanket we spread out for them to play on. She played really good there.

Miss Addison also BLEW me away--she was not afraid of anyone there. She would willing go to anyone that held their arms out to her. And, she would sit with them, laugh at them, and squeal every so often in delight. When she wasn't being cuddled by someone, she played happily on the blanket too.

At the close of this weekend, there are # things that I've learned:
1-we WILL take the kids camping again
2-less tv equals better quality time together
3-four days is exhausting! (with children this age, at least)
4-hail is ridiculously LOUD in a fifth wheel trailer!
And lastly--
5-no more heating bottles on the stove; the microwave is the way to go!!