"Please, please?"

"Please, please" she said to me, holding up first my pj's and then my sweater and shaking it at me. 

"Ok, you want to wear my sweater"??

See how cute she looks?!

I love you Miss Addison. That little treasure was the brightest spot in our entire day! (Next to falling asleep in mama's lap after lunch, but that's our little secret...)

Simply Amazing

You astonish me in more ways that one, little Maren. I know I've said in the past that not a day goes by that you amaze me, and that's still true. You're growing too fast, little one, and there are more days than not that I wish I could hold on to your sweet baby self just a little longer. But, you're steaming ahead at full speed towards little lady-hood, and you're not showing any signs of stopping.

I've been noticing, here and there, that you've begun responding to me in conversation- when I ask you a question, or when I say something to you; there'll be a pause, followed by a vigorous nod of the head and an audible ok or yeah. Usually. More often than not, there will either be no response, or you'll look at me with your sweet blues and babble at me in that adorable foreign language of yours.

Do you know how amazing that is?!

Oh!

And, do you know what I love the most, little lady?

When you sit in my lap, facing me, and cup my chin in your hands and look straight into my eyes. Your skin is incredibly soft, and every time you do that, I wish the way you feel would linger on my skin forever. I'm not sure what it is you're looking for when you look at me that way, or why you cup my face in your hands like that; maybe you're mimicking what mama does to you, or maybe you're just learning and exploring. Whatever it is, I love those tender moments between you and I.

Special mama and baby moments like this will forever be burned into my memory. And, now they'll forever be remembered on paper too, so when you look back on your mama's posts one day in the future, you'll know how strong the love is between you and I.

And, that will never change.

You still love In the Night Garden; whenever you see an ad for it in a commercial, or it comes on the tv, you now say "piggle". You have a word for the show. You're showing me that you pay more attention to the tv than I ever thought. You blew daddy out of the water when you walked up to the grandfather clock at Stacy's and said, "cuckoo". He asked me where you picked that up from, and I told him it was from Toopy and Binoo. You learned the word for "car" ridiculously fast when Cody began playing with his RC car at Stacy's. Who knew you also knew the word, "go" too?!

Amazing, I tell you. Simply amazing!!

Valances!!

I could hardly wait to get pictures up here...

This window isn't finished yet; we ran out of blue material, so I need to hit the store again and pick up the last fabric swatch there, if it hasn't gone already. The entire window is going to be covered with the striped fabric, and it'll be gathered in the centre with the blue fabric, creating a sideways 'v' type look...

Now, in these pictures, the colour looks incredibly yellow, but it isn't. There's a lot of green in it, so its more like a sea weed, kelp-y kind of colour, if you can imagine it.

So pretty!!


I'll put up the finished product of my patio door when its finished :)

In A Nutshell...

A lot of things always get done around the house when husbands' mom and step dad come to visit. For me, usually its a sewing project that I've wanted to tackle (since I'm uneducated in the art of sewing--though I have mentioned in the past- and do hope to one day- take a sewing class so that I can become self sufficient in that area).

This Christmas, especially, it seems that a lot of projects have been taken on to help organize, de-clutter and beautify this house and our belongings. It began with the Boxing Week Blow-out Sale at Crappy Tire, then naturally progressed to purchasing five sea grass baskets (on sale for $3.99 each)- two of which are housed in both guest bathrooms, that hold a couple folded bath towels, and rolled hand towels and face cloths, as well as two media storage cabinets that were on sale for $18 each. It turns out they aren't what I wanted, and weren't what we needed, but they'll work well on either side of the tv and tv stand. Its the same colour finish of wood, and I wanted something there, anyways. I would like to one day find tall, narrow shelves to surround the picture window in the living room. It might be hard to do; the space on either side of it isn't that wide.

And, the project I'm most proud of and excited about, are the valances in my kitchen that my mother in law kindly sewed for me. After painting the kitchen, I found out by mistake that peacock blue looks stunning against the particular yellow that's on the walls. And, because I love the way it looks so much, I had to find material that would match it.

I did find material that would match it, or close at least. And, I found material to coordinate with it, too. I can hardly wait to share pictures. And, once again, the same old story surfaces: I really hope we can find the universal cable for our camera, so I can start uploading pictures on the camera to the computer, rather than from my cell phone.

Aaah! I'm stupid crazy for my valances and for my sea grass baskets! I can hardly wait to find more pretty things to put our stuff in that'll make the house look prettier than it already does!

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We've been in the house for two months, and just in the last few days the kids had to take tumbles down the stairs. And, not just down a couple- pretty well all of them. My poor girls. I didn't see miss Addison go down the stairs; I knew she was sitting on the third step down (that's sort of a landing, actually) that curves into the main part of the stair well (the stair well into the basement is like half a winding stair case). She was playing with this little wrought iron chair flower planter of mine, and next thing I know, it sounded like she was going head over heels down the stairs. She landed on the basement floor on her belly. Aaah. The emotions that run through a mama when her baby tumbles down the stairs! I was sick, but after watching her for a while, felt confident that she wasn't seriously hurt. Thankfully, the stairs are fully carpeted, and so is the basement. Phew!

Tonight, I was sitting at the kitchen table with the in laws and husband, and I saw miss Maren facing up the stairs, like she was crawling up them. But, she wasn't; she was moving backwards. I had a sick feeling she was going to go down them, and sure enough, as I stood up to make sure she was going to be ok, down the stairs she went. Something hit the wall while she was going down; I don't know what, but it was loud and it sounded like it hurt. She landed face up on the floor in the basement, rubbing her head, obviously bawling her eyes out.

Husband was fast on my heels as we both ran down the stairs to her; I reached her first and picked her up, but it was her daddy that she wanted. Ouch. Does that phase come to an end? I kind of like being the one that makes everything ok again. That's kind of selfish, isn't it? I know it is, but its also the truth. I know how husband felt when miss Addison wanted no one but mama when she had colic so bad. She actually still wants her mama more than papa when something happens these days, but its not quite as bad.

Miss Maren is ok. Falling down the stairs probably scared the girls more than anything else. I was scared that after Miss Addison fell down them, she'd be scared to go back into the basement, but she's been fine all day long with the stairs. They spent the majority of the afternoon down there today. Phew!! Miss Maren isn't scared of them, either. After getting her ready for bed, she followed me to the stairs (I had to get her sister from the basement and get her dressed for bed), and swung one of her feet over the edge of the top stair. Rather than her being scared, it was me again. In the sternest voice I could muster, I told her to 'be careful, please'.

And, the strangest thing happened tonight. The in laws treated us to KFC for supper and the girls (I think) had their first allergic reaction. I am not sure what it was- probably the dipping sauce that went along with their popcorn chicken, but both of them developed a red rash around their mouths not long after beginning to eat. Its never happened before. Probably an hour or so after eating, it went away. It was strange to me that they would both react to the same thing- at the same time, which makes me think its an allergy to whatever they ate. I was a little scared that they might wind up with an anaphylactic reaction, but I suppose that would have happened a whole lot sooner (and more quickly!) than the way they did react.

So, in a pretty large nutshell, that's been the last couple of days around here. Busy, fun and a little bit chaotic!!

Next up: New Years!

And, then things can start slowing down again. I'm getting exhausted!

Holiday Cheer

Not many people will have our new address yet, and even though I'm fully aware of that, part of me is kind of sad that my fridge wasn't going to be held up by cards and postcards sent by friends and family like Christmases in the past. Mostly, I'm sad because I really wanted to display my postcards and Christmas cards this way:

Well...not totally. Even though the postcards and Christmas cards are few, it was still enough to display them in a pretty way! (I took a picture of the postcards before they all came falling down; I need to find a better way to stick them to the side of my cabinet- like sticky tack!! Tape just wasn't cutting it). I found the idea to do this here.

So fantastic, right?! I thought so...

What a rush Christmas was this year. We flew up to Edmonton for visits with two of the three sides of our family, and the kids had an absolute blast. Especially when uncle Cody started playing with his remote control car. Miss Maren just adored it! She was so enamoured with it, that she threw a fit when we left. Now husband knows what he should buy his daughter for her birthday!! Her new favourite word, since Saturday, is car. And, go.

MUCH to her daddy's delight.

KIND OF to her mama's chagrin.

Saturday night, we kept tradition alive by having chinese for supper. We have been doing that for as long as sister and I can remember, and its one that husband and I have incorporated into part of our celebrations at this time of year. We're both looking forward to starting more traditions (that are unique to us as a family), but I'm quite confident that will come about completely on its own. I'm not worried one bit about it. We spent the night there with mom and dad, then came home late Sunday afternoon to have some quiet time with just the four of us before more family met us here at our own place.

Sunday morning was dedicated to bringing Addison to the hospital. I noticed her eye had turned pretty red Saturday morning, and by the time we reached mom and dad's, her eyes were bloodshot and just unhappy looking. I washed them out, and didn't notice a difference by morning, so brought her in to the clinic. It isn't pink eye, thankfully, but the cold she has is affecting her sinuses in a way that its coming out of her eyes. One eye was a bit icky this morning, but otherwise, I'm happy to announce that it might be going away. The redness is gone- its still just a bit red underneath her eye, and her other eye is still kind of bloodshot, but nothing like yesterday. The doctor says its just a virus and its got to run its course. Boo.

Tomorrow, I am cleaning the Bargain Shop out of their lysol stock. This mama is tired of her chicks (and entire nest) being sick.

The only item we weren't able to cross off our 'to-do' list while we were celebrating with family in Edmonton, was to visit great Oma and wish her a Merry Christmas. Both husband and I very muchly wanted to visit her, but with the kids being sick, it wasn't a good idea. Its just that I'm feeling pressure these days to see her before its too late. I know, in her mind, I am still a young girl, and she doesn't know who my kids are- or even realize they are mine- but my conscience will feel better knowing that I got to see her while there was still the opportunity to do so. Hopefully the next time we're in Edmonton, we'll be well enough to see her!

Tomorrow morning will give the kids and I a bit of a break from so many people, and then the whirlwind will begin again when husbands' mom and step dad arrive to visit us for a few days. Husband has to work tomorrow, but he took Wednesday and Thursday off so he could have time to visit with his folks, too. I'm so happy that it isn't up to JUST me to entertain them this year! I think this will be the first time EVER he's been able to stay home and really get to spend time with them.

A treat for me, and especially for him.

And then, there's New Years...I'm so excited. We'll actually get to hang out with friends (hopefully) this New Years, too! What an awesome end to a crazy, busy year!!

the Last Two Days

~ 321 ~ I know I said it before...but SISTERS

~ 322 ~ Christmas and the days off husband has

~ 323 ~ the northern lights

~ 324 ~ he's showing me he loves me by continuing to splurge on me, even though I told him not to worry about it (for Christmas)

~ 325 ~ I did the same thing for him


~ 326 ~ celebrating the girls' 22nd month

~ 327 ~ music

~ 328 ~ friends

~ 329 ~ the occasional Dr. Pepper

~ 330 ~ family

This will probably be my last post until Christmas is over. If I don't drop in before then, Merry Christmas everyone; and, if you don't drop in until after the new year, then Happy New Years, too!

Just Hope

Its easy to forget that you are gravely ill even though we can't see any outward symptoms anymore. Its easy to forget that you won't keep going strong until old age, and nobody knows what's wrong. Its easy to forget that the end could come all too soon, and there's no answers to the question 'why' and 'what do I do about it'? Its easy to forget that as I go about my own life, you're living with constant unknowns and whats going to happens every minute of every day of every month that passes until something concrete is established...

And, to add injury to insult, you've just found out that your hearts' deepest desire can't come true, unless major medical intervention occurs, but its easy to forget that won't happen unless your symptoms worsen again and everything starts to fail. Its easy to forget that likely will, in the very near future. (You can find a bit more about this here).

Its easy to forget how terrifying this is when every day life gets in the way. When you're not near enough to see and touch and hear every single day. When right now, you seem strong and healthy and vibrant.

We were reminded again this afternoon, and it brought up old fears (that are once again very real to me) and utter sadness and many, many tears.

We are reminded again how important family is- there's nobody more important. I am reminded again that every day is a gift, and the most needs to be made of it no matter what. We need to spend more time together, we need to talk more, your nieces need to know who their auntie is and what kind of woman she is. I don't want there to be an 'was' for a very, very long time.

The thought breaks my heart. More tears fall just thinking about it.

And, I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend, my sister, we've weathered thick and thin together, and doing that without you devastates me. You're my person. You celebrated with me when I got married; you drove all night and stayed up all day to help coach me through delivering my children- its your voice that I remember firmly and excitedly talking into my ear to push, push, push!!!; you allowed me the honour of being your person at your own wedding...you've stood up for me and protected me, and I've done the same for you.

That you can't have children is sad, and I know I don't completely understand what that's like, but I can empathize. I'd rather have that than a life without you. 


A friend said today that when you're faced with your own mortality, the news is a tough pill to swallow. But, she went on to say that 'when your mortality is in question you just have to live every day to the fullest!! Stay positive...which is hard to do some days!' What we have to do now is just that.


Stay positive.

I don't know what your plan is, but I know that in the days following, I will be trying to keep my head help up, my outlook positive, and hope against all odds...

just hope...

Snap Happy

Just when you were about to catch a heckin' from me for playing in (or so I thought) the potty, you turned around and sat down on it while brushing your teeth this morning. Does this mean you understand the concept behind the potty? You know what its for? Is it time for mama to attempt trying again?? You have no idea how amazed at you I was for doing that, Miss Addison. You are a smart girl- you continue to show me that every single day. And, you're super cute to boot!

Meanwhile, your sister took up residence on her typical perch:

The bathroom sink.

And, yes, there is toilet paper hanging from the shower curtain rod; after the kids (mainly Maren) decided to unroll the tp, I hung it over the shower curtain rod instead of trying to re-roll it. Whatever works!

And, later this afternoon, while I left the living room to go and do something (whatever that was...) someone got a hold of mama's cell phone and commenced crazy-picture-taking-madness:

Do you want to guess how many of these shots Miss Addison took? (It seriously makes me laugh...)

15!!!!!!!!

Little turkey just went snap happy!

I love it...

Lights Out

The kids experienced their first power outage late this afternoon. Actually, the power went out twice; first while they were napping, and it was still quite light out so it wouldn't have made a difference to them, other than they couldn't watch Toopy and Binoo on tv. It was still out when they woke from their nap. By then, light was beginning to fade, and I changed their wet diapers in a fairly dark room. (We went for a late nap because we slept until 9:30 this morning...and our trip to the pharmacy took longer than anticipated).

And, the entire time they napped, I kept wondering to myself if it was just our house that was experiencing the power outage (and consequently, if I needed to go and flip the breaker)- I couldn't tell, because no one else in our neighbourhood appeared to be home from work. Finally, I began texting around and before I knew it, I had confirmation that no, it wasn't just me. A friend had seen on Facebook that there was going to be an outage that would last a couple hours.

I wasn't quite sure how the kids were going to deal with it, when it went out again after the fading light gave way to a black sky filled with clouds and the odd star, but they dealt with it super well. They are not afraid of the dark one bit. (I should have known, because my children have been known to play in their bedroom with no lights on. They've even played in the basement in near pitch black conditions, and it still didn't bother them). In fact, when I began searching the house for every available candle I could find, Addison oohed. She liked it. Maren kept saying 'uh oh'. But, once she got a hold of the little LED flashlight, she had an absolute riot with it. The three of us sat at the table together enjoying the closeness the light of the candles brought; we talked and laughed together while we waited for the power to come back on. It was fun.

In the back of my mind, I kept worrying about supper. I had stew cooking in the slow cooker, and I was worried that the power wouldn't come back on in time for it to finish. (In the end, I had nothing to worry about). The other corner of my mind was occupied with ways I could make the power outage something special for the kids when it came time to eat. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

********************************************

~ 315 ~ the power outage (at least today)

~ 316 ~ more beautiful weather

~ 317 ~ catching up with a dear friend while having our hairs done

~ 318 ~ the hair dresser that happily does our hair at the same time

~ 319 ~ how much Addison enjoys playing her game on my phone

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You know, the kids are so smart. They're incredible!! I downloaded a game called sound touch to my iPhone, thanks to the recommendation of a friend. There are different categories- animals, exotic animals, instruments, vehicles, household and one other, I think. In each of the categories are comical pictures and when one of them is touched, a real life photo of that animal (or whatever it is, depending on the category) appears, along with the sound it makes. I think its a great learning tool for the kids. Well, Addison has it down pat. She takes her time and decides which animal she's going to pick; she selects it, and lets it play its sound. Then she carefully chooses another one. I was amazed at her! And, any time I told her what animal it was she chose, she'd shush me!! Little goof...I think she did that so she could hear what the animal sounded like. It was pretty cute, anyways. Oh, and for each animal or instrument or household item that's chosen, five different pictures and sounds come up every time the same animal is hit more than once. Its pretty cool. They're picking up so much, so fast. Unreal.

********************************************

~ 320 ~ my plants- the spider plant that keeps growing, and the creeper that's taken up residence above the stove. I killed the poor thing, and yet it came back to life and has stayed strong ever since. Yay for my plants!

Bits and Pieces

Uuuhhh yeah, Maren got into my buttons Friday afternoon and threw them all over the office floor. Actually, they're still strewn all across the floor; we've been in Edmonton for the last 24 hours and rather than cleaning up (at the moment), I'm taking just a little bit more time for myself. Husband is working ridiculously late tonight (should hopefully be home shortly before or around midnight), and I'm waiting up for him. I have to keep busy or I will fall asleep. The kids had a terrible sleep last night, giving me only 4 hours of rest. Then, the kids slept a good portion of the day, so I kept them up a little later than usual; for once, it was me falling asleep on the couch in front of the tv; not husband or the kids!

I actually don't mind that she got into my buttons. It does bother me, however, that she used the black and yellow scissors you see in the top right corner of this picture, to cut a nice triangular hole in her shirt. The scissors are so sharp, even I have to be careful when I use them! I'm lucky I get away with it. Husband (and his mom, too, for that matter), have banned me from most sharp objects (I don't have the best luck with them...)

The other two pictures were just too cute to pass up. Maren, in the top picture, found a basket in my office and threw her sippy cup in it and took it for a walk. Then Addison got a hold of it and put it on her head (like her mama showed her) and wore it like a hat. I was trying to get a picture of her wearing it on her head, but once again, she was too quick for me. (She's the middle picture).

*****************************************************

~ 301 ~ A couple hours this morning to get some things done on my own while in Edmonton

~ 302 ~ finding the girls' birthday present (already!!)

~ 303 ~ Star.bucks.

~ 304 ~ Timmie's peach juice

~ 305 ~ and my new favourite- Timmie's candy cane chocolate donuts

~ 306 ~ SO thankful Maren didn't hurt herself with my scrapping scissors

~ 307 ~ spending a couple hours this afternoon catching up with a dear friend, while having our hair done at the salon

~ 308 ~ a safe drive home tonight (it was raining when we got home to Whitecourt. The driveway is a literal skating rink)

~ 309 ~ how cuddly Miss Addison has been over the last couple days

~ 310 ~ my own bed

~ 311 ~ my own pillow

~ 312 ~ my own house

~ 313 ~ my sister

******************************************************

My heart has been breaking over the last couple of days. First and foremost, for our old home- Saskatchewan. When we left, I honestly didn't think I would miss it, but I do. I miss the area, the people, the place where my children were born. For that reason alone, I miss Saskatchewan. Big things happened there for us, and my children aren't going to grow up knowing it. There'll be pictures of a house they spent their first year in, and they'll hear stories about the people their parents knew there, but there won't be any real emotional connection to that place for them. And, I am sad. When I talk with my friends there, it makes me sad its either through personal messages on Facebook or via text. Once again, it loses something in the connection. Part of me wishes we were still there.

And, now my heart breaks for sister. Mom told me that sister and her husband are going to an informational session about adoption. Because of my sisters' particular health problems, she either won't be able to conceive, or even if she wants to, she probably shouldn't. I am deeply sad for her that she won't be able to bear children of her own, though because we are both adopted ourselves, doing the same thing is a no brainer. I think she's suspected for some time that may be the case, so I think she's embraced adoption. I just ache for her; life has always been hard, and now her health has become a burden. She's talked to me a lot over the last 5 months about adoption, and that they want to adopt from overseas, but I never understood why she was even thinking about it. Which, in itself isn't a bad thing, don't misunderstand me. I honestly thought it was admirable. She told me that they might try and have their own after adopting, but it was something they really felt they needed to do. They might feel that regardless of my sisters' health. And, that's COOL!

******************************************************

~ 314 ~ my B-I-L; he is just what sister needs

Not again!!

My poor girl isn't feeling good yet again. 


She woke up from her nap feeling super hot to me- I noticed it as soon as my hands came in contact with the skin of her arms, but I thought nothing of it because she was still all warm and fuzzy from her nap. The skin on her arms cooled off after a while, but her head didn't. It was about then that she became somewhat fussy and clingy, and by the time daddy got home from work, and I slipped out to return a broken lid to Crappy Tire for my new recycling bins, she threw an absolute fit. She wanted her mama, and daddy wasn't going to suffice.

Well, he did, because she had no other choice when I left, but as soon as I walked through the front door on my return home, her crying began again, and continued to escalate until I was undressed and sitting on the couch cuddling her in my lap. It took a while for the Tylenol to kick in, and when it did, she became a little more playful and picked at my french fries when husband and I ate (I tried feeding the kids chicken noodle soup at their usual supper time- 5:30). They didn't want it.

Her temp seemed to come down a bit, but it didn't last for long. She kept asking for a bath, so after we were done supper, I ran a bath for the girls and let them play. Miss Addison didn't even want to stay in the bath for too terribly long. That's not like her, my poor girl. She began shaking like a leaf after taking her out of the bath, and when daddy walked past the bathroom door after getting her dressed, she was snuggled into his chest with her quilt wrapped around her. By the time I got Maren out of the bath and dressed, Addison was nearly asleep- still snuggled into daddy's chest. I have to admit, I kind of wish she was snuggled into me like that, but I'm happy she found enough comfort in daddy to just snuggle in and let sleep claim her.

We put the kids to bed a little earlier than usual tonight; there was no complaint from Addison; she rolled onto her tummy- she assumed her usual position- and went straight to sleep. Miss Maren, on the other hand, isn't having a very good sleep. She went to bed with no fighting too, but every once in a while, I hear a bit of crying coming from her...I hope she isn't coming down with something again, too. She also had a bit of a fever, but nothing like her sister. So, I only gave her half the amount of Advil I did Addison when they went to bed. I was hoping it would work, but I'm starting to think that maybe she should have gotten a full dose, too.

I am just thankful there was no throwing up this time! I've suspected for a few days that Addison might be coming down with another cold; she's been scrunching her nose up and blowing air from her nostrils at the same time, and she did that the last time she got sick with a cold. I guess we'll see what the morning brings.

...In all their Dreamy Cuteness...

Every day, more energy returns and the general feeling of wellness. I got a lot done, as far as straightening up the house! I feel quite proud of myself. The girls, on the other hand, had a lazy day, and didn't make it out of their pajama's until bath time, which is usually shortly before bed. So, I snapped a few shots to encapsulate their day:

The pictures of Maren sitting in the laundry basket just kill me. Have you noticed a trend? She loves anything she can sit in (boxes, bathroom sinks...), and anything she can lay on- soft blankets, pillows- you name it. And, I love how relaxed and comfy she looks, with her feet up in the air! I love laundry days!!

Miss Addison is more domesticated, if you will. I think as her confidence grows, she'll start crawling into things, but for now, the biggest achievement she's happy with is good old fashioned walking. I find it interesting, though, that her preferred method of playing is still lying flat on her back with her feet in the air. Its pretty darn cute!!

Those are my girls, in all their dreamy cuteness! (I just noticed today, that when Addison drinks from her sippy cup, the little dimple that she inherited from her daddy- and which I simply adore- is super noticeable with every slurp she takes. Aaahhh! She's going to melt some guys heart one day in the future!)

This Is the Way...

I've been trying so hard to get some pictures up here of Miss Addison amidst some of the cute and crazy things she does, but she's too quick for me! One of these days, I will succeed!

After all, there is nothing just yet to fret about. The kids are just developing their immune systems; many parents have been bringing their children by the hospital because they are so often sick like my own children have been, and for such a long period of time, as well. Apparently, its just the way the cycle is working itself out this year.

I, on the other hand, have been diagnosed with sinusitis, which isn't anything to get worked up over (thankfully); its so nice having energy and motivation back again, but that's been slowly returning over the last couple days. Now my house can get back into functioning order (its so messy and chaotic right now!), and I'm having a hard time getting caught up in-between all the messes the kids make throughout each and every day! Not to mention the central vac is on the fritz, so we're using the 'other' vacuum, but I don't know where all the attachments are, so getting my kitchen floor vacuumed to my personal satisfaction is a perfect match to NIL. The only thing I don't like living with- other than- in my humble opinion- disgusting kitchen floors- is the cough-that-makes-me-want-to-throw-up. If I talk too much (which on a good day isn't very much anyways) my throat gets dry (or something)- it tickles, anyways- and that's what makes me cough, which in turn makes me want to throw up. And, and on a few occasions here and there, that has happened. Not pleasant. Having a drink constantly in my hand helps, and I'm sure once the antibiotics kick in, so will it. Until then- yucky cough: be gone!

Our first play date in three weeks finally occurred this afternoon after we all woke up from our wonderful afternoon nap. It was a little too short, but sweet. (Our play date, not the wonderful afternoon nap). It made the kids happy to get away from home for a while- and see faces other than their sisters' and mama's; it made their mama happy to have some adult contact for a while; and, the next play date has already been planned. But, swimming with both girls, without having a helper, scares me to no end. I want to be self sufficient and take them on my own, but I'm not sure I can do it. All that water and not enough personal visual power has me worried that one of them is going to get into trouble. Yes, that's what lifeguards are there for, but it still worries me. (And, I just placed that one particular woman I've seen at the hospital the last few times we've been there. I just didn't recognize her because she was wearing something other than lifeguard attire. Huh.)

What I learned during our play date this afternoon: we need to watch/buy/borrow- do all three- Tangled. I didn't catch enough of it while the kids were playing and us mama's were visiting this afternoon. It looked really, really good! (I have to admit, it took more of my attention at times than our adult conversation was supposed to). How awful of me!!

Goodnight, Sweetheart...

While your daddy and sister play downstairs and watch tv, I'm diligently staying upstairs in the office, near you, listening for -but hoping I don't hear- crying coming from your bedroom. You fell asleep in daddy's arms after I carefully and gently washed everything off your bare tummy and out of your hair; after the smell dissipated, and I let my own tummy settle for a few minutes, I went back into your bedroom to clean up the mess that getting sick had left behind. I'm thankful that after the first time you got sick, I decided to leave you naked, just in case it happened again. As I was carrying you to your room (you were cuddling with me on the couch after first getting sick) you began to cough and gag again. I half turned back the way we came to place you over the toilet, but when you stopped coughing and gagging, I thought it was over. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Everything you ate for supper revisited in the meanest possible way. I'm so sorry lady.

I hope you can forgive me for being so incredibly annoyed by the whining and crying that stuck around you all afternoon. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Both you and your sister have been off your game for the last couple of days, and I felt at the time, as though I was reaching my limit. In reality, you were letting me know, as best as you could, that you weren't feeling good. How do I teach you to tell me that your tummy hurts? I suppose I'm just going to have to start asking questions, and maybe by some sheer stroke of luck, I'll come across the answer. The realistic side of myself is telling me otherwise, though. You are notorious for throwing a fit without even really giving any kind of explanation as to why. Usually I have to use my super sleuth skills to figure out what it is you want. More often than not, I'm wrong. As you can imagine.

Even your big sister knows that now there isn't something right with her little sister. While daddy was watching you both in the bath, and I was cleaning up your bedroom, he told me as I passed the bathroom doorway, that Maren patted you on the back and tickled your arm; it was her way of letting you know that she's sorry, and she's trying to make you feel better. She has a good heart, that sister of yours. And, so do you. That's something that you've both inherited from your daddy and I. For that, I am proud of you both. You will be good, kind people.

I am concerned, though. We all began getting sick at the end of October, and we are now half way through December. That's a month and a half of all four of us getting sick one after the other. I tried booking an appointment for myself this morning because I haven't been feeling well the last three weeks, and couldn't get in. I will try again in the morning, and see if I can't get all three of us in for a visit. Something isn't quite right.

And, baby, I am scared. I hope that its nothing serious. And, I hope (as my wild imagination has made me fear) that it might not be something related to our new house. We haven't had it inspected, and that worries me...

My fears aside, sleep tight, little one, and when kiki is finished soaking up the heat from his temporary vacation in the dryer, I'll put him in bed next to you, so that when- or if- you do wake up, he's there to greet you when your sweet blue eyes do open. And, when you do wake up and sleep isn't something that you want to do right then, I will be there to sit with you and cuddle you until sleep claims you again.

I love you, Miss Addison. Sweet dreams, little one.

A Hanger in the Tree

Other than the tinsel and Christmas lights, I put all the decorations out of the kids' reach; they're glass and I don't want them getting broken and then hurt. Needless to say, when everything goes on clearance at the end of the season, I'll be looking for kid friendly Christmas decorations! I need to anyways. Husband suggested finding the girls a 'baby's second Christmas' Christmas ornament. What a great idea!

And...have you noticed the greatest Christmas ornament of all? Look at the bottom right on the tree...do you see it? The hanger???

Ahahahaha I just love it!!!

And, even though she isn't in any of the pictures, Miss Addison was kicking around while we put up the tree. The pictures I got of her were way too dark. They didn't turn out!

Blue, Silver and White kind of Christmas

~ 271 ~ big blue snowflakey mugs of steaming, creamy hot chocolate

~ 272 ~ fluffy, sweet home made pancakes (with or without the buttermilk)

~ 273 ~ my address book/card holder

~ 274 ~ magic erasers

~ 275 ~ the black crayon she used to colour on the wall with wasn't permanent

~ 276 ~ at least she didn't use the SHARPIE that was in the other hand

~ 277 ~ the few-and-far-between-people that like my cards enough to ask me to make some for them :)

~ 278 ~ sweet encouragement from certain good friends in the card making department

~ 279 ~ my new runs-smoothly-and-has-no-viruses-or-bugs-or-anything-else-that-could-cause-it-to-run-super.slowly.and-frustrate-the-heck-out-of-a-person-momentarily-hourly-daily-weekly-monthly computer...

~ 280 ~ they went to bed tonight without too much of a fight; someone is still up- I can hear her sweet voice talking up a storm from the room next door

~ 281 ~ the Christmas tree is finally up

~ 282 ~ my floor mat on the floor at the kitchen sink

~ 283 ~ the heat register just above my floor mat that blows warm air on my toes while I'm standing at the sink doing the dishes

~ 284 ~ how sweetly Maren just said 'hi' to me, then 'good morning, good morning' as I gently reminded her it was sleepy time

~ 285 ~ the wooden white bunny resting against the kitchen wall, sitting on the top of my stove

~ 286 ~ finally having an oven that bakes my boterkoek properly!!

~ 287 ~ the quarter-full cupboard of tea

~ 288 ~ SO thankful that miss Addison didn't get hurt as we both fell down the stairs yesterday (I was carrying her)

~ 289 ~ Addison looking at me upside down while she sat in her booster seat at the supper table tonight

~ 290 ~ the only thanks I needed from Maren for discovering home made pancakes was the 'num num nummmmm' while she stuffed a big piece of it in her mouth (in response to daddy telling her to say thank you)

~ 291 ~ my blue, white and silver Christmas decorations

~ 292 ~ especially the baby blue, white and silver bell wreath I have hanging on my front door. Its my most prized possession, I think

~ 293 ~ each and every one of my ultrasound pictures, which are right next to me on this desk, that remind me of the beauty of the two miraculous blessings I have

~ 294 ~ that Maren wasn't hurt when the shelving unit in the bathroom downstairs just about crashed down on top of her

~ 295 ~ I'm thankful I was right there to catch it!

~ 296 ~ full, bright moons

~ 297 ~ one on one time with each of the girls

~ 298 ~ the deer kulbassa that was given us by one of husbands' co-workers. Very delicious!!

~ 299 ~ the Christmas cards that are starting to come in

~ 300 ~ how tolerant of small children Gregory is. He's amazing!

Oi

My heart stung this afternoon when I put you down for a nap, Addison. I am not sure why going for a nap was such a huge deal for you; all I know is that you did not want to go for a nap, and you fought valiantly not to do so. Your screaming clearly told me you weren't impressed, and it broke my heart. My impulse was to take you from your crib and sit with you in front of the tv. I was scared you were going to wake your sister with all the protesting you were making. My next impulse was just to take you out of your crib so that your screaming would stop. In all honesty, it makes me anxious. I don't like it when you cry- especially when you're so vehemently livid over something. Its in my nature to want to fix and smooth over.

But, as your mama, I'm learning that in some situations I have to be tough. The tougher lesson is to learn how to do it in a loving manner, consistently. I hope I'm doing a good job! And, in some situations, the decisions I make might not be right. Right now, they may not be right because you don't have the words and vocabulary to tell me precisely what it is that you want or need. In that half hour that you fought so hard, a lot of possibilities to explain your behaviour ran through my mind- were you hungry, were you thirsty, were you just plain not tired? Deep down, I think you just weren't tired; and when you woke from your nap only an hour later, that suspicion was confirmed in my brain.

But, maybe it was a mixture of a few things. You lit up like a light bulb when I handed you cookies to snack on, and once I handed your juice to you, it left my hand quickly and entered your mouth even faster. I admit lunch was on the smaller side, but thats because we woke up at 9:30 this morning. We had a late breakfast, and lunch again at 11:30. I didn't think you needed anymore than that. If you did, I'm sorry.

You were pretty happy sitting with me on the couch while we waited for your sister to wake up. And, you were super adorable when you handed me your bowl and said, 'hat'. Its cute watching you, little one. Did it suit me, once I put it on my head? A little small, I think, but chic nonetheless!

Miss Maren, I was both surprised and hurt when you hit me in the face tonight when daddy and I were trying to put you to bed. I know our reaction and firmness made you cry, but that was to show you that hitting isn't ok. It doesn't matter who you hit; its never ok.

I am still not sure why you were so cranky today. Its so unlike you. You're my inquisitive, get-into-everything, busy little lady that's soft hearted and tender. Are you coming down with something again, or is it from your immunizations the other day? Your sister has been just as cranky as you, but the only way she shows it is through throwing things away from herself and screaming it out.

But, when I hear you say things like 'good morning' and 'good night' and 'yippee' just as clear as day, I feel so proud. You are picking things up so quickly, my dear! You know your p's and q's already, and use them quite efficiently on a regular basis; I've begun hearing you say 'ok' when we talk about things or I ask you a question. You definitely know your sister, and you call to her to wake her up in the morning- if she isn't awake before you.

Daddy and I both looked at each other in surprise tonight when we took you out to Home Hardware. I think both of you are suffering cabin fever, and for that I sincerely apologize. I have not been feeling well for the last few weeks, and my lack of desire to leave the house until I'm feeling better has been affecting you two. The way you both perked up and talked and talked and talked while we drove the five minutes to get there proved that to us. Miss Maren, you've been asking on almost a daily basis for swimming, and I keep promising you that we will go soon, and I hope I can keep that promise for you. I know how much both you and your sister love it, and it makes me sad that my health has been so poor recently. We haven't gone on play dates, we haven't gone swimming, we haven't gone out period. I'm sure you're both bored and tired of the same old, same old. In fact, mama worries that her friends might think she doesn't want to spend time with them. They said the thought hasn't crossed their minds, but the pessimist in me isn't so sure.

Oh, dear. I hope I don't teach you girls to be as pessimistic as I!

Adisee and Mimi

~ 255 ~ sitting together in the office after the kids have gone to bed; him on the computer, researching all the songs he wants to buy on iTunes, and me scrapbooking

~ 256 ~ the way he shook his head at me tonight and told me he loved me (smiling at the same time) when I realized I had forgotten to turn the dryer on (after telling him I didn't know why the sheets were still wet)

~ 257 ~ how well she plays on her own

~ 258 ~ how she craves social interaction

~ 259 ~ their mutual love for Toopy and Binoo

~ 260 ~ their new mutual love for Manon

~ 261 ~ the smell of their hair

~ 262 ~ the softness of their skin

~ 263 ~ the way she puts her hands on her head and says 'ah!' when she's about to have a melt down

~ 264 ~ the way she drops to her knees then flat onto her tummy (or back, depending) when she has a melt down

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Do any other parents find their kids' temper tantrums hilarious, too? I mean, I know i'm going to be horrified when they do it in public, but when you're at home, and its just you, do you find it funny? I have to restrain myself from laughing because I find it so amusing!

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~ 265 ~ discovering there IS tv even if the kids are awake

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Do any other mama's find watching tv during the day time a waste of time? I think all the shows out there are trash, and I don't have the time for it; on the other hand, Treehouse is wearing on me quite severely these days...we need something new!!! Thats why, thank goodness!!, I'm glad I downloaded a few games for the kids to play on the computer. It gives them some variety, and they're learning at the same time. We get to spend quality time together, and rather than just staring at a screen that talks to you, they are actually using brain power! I like!!

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~ 266 ~ freshly washed (and still warm!) bed sheets

~ 267 ~ spending time today- just the three of us girls- in the office, playing games on the computer

~ 268 ~ loving how into the games Addison seemed to be. She really liked it! (The sounds scared poor Maren at first...)

~ 269 ~ the way she calls for her 'Adisee'

~ 270 ~ the way she calls for her 'Mimi'

Look, a Cow!!

She said the cutest thing while we were waiting our turn for immunization shots this morning at the clinic at the hospital. Thankfully, daddy had the morning off from work, so he was able to help mama keep the twinlets occupied and entertained until that fateful moment occurred.

He happened to notice a deer standing in the courtyard outside one of the windows, and so he showed her. She called it a cow!! And after coming out of the public health nurses' office after receiving (and enduring) her immunization like a champ!!, the first thing she asked for after settling down, was for her 'cow' again.

My dear sweet girl!

Yesterday afternoon, while the girls were watching tv, and I was sitting on the couch taking it easy for a few minutes, she approached me with a book about barnyard animals. She climbed into my lap, and I read it to her. The animal that stuck out to her, and what she remembered, was the cow. Now she associates animals- like deer- to cows. Makes sense, right?

So. Stinking. Adorable!

What a rush this day was. We were up early for our appointment at 9 this morning, then after having a quick lunch, all three of us girls lay down for a nap and wasted the afternoon away. It was 3 when we woke up. Normally, we are accustomed to waking up at 9, not at 7:30. It was tough on mama, too!

Just before putting the kids down (and mama) for their naps, the funniest thing happened, and I can't resist not sharing. It still makes me shake my head and laugh. I could see a vehicle pull up in front of our house, but I thought nothing of it because there's often traffic on our street, and people are always parking right in front of our house, even if they are not our visitors. I mentioned to husband that we had company.

We had company because a woman was walking up our drive to the front door. I thought maybe it was the Property Management lady that helped us find our apartment (for whatever reason- and I couldn't tell you why she would even know where we moved to after moving out of the apartment; it just looked like her). She walked right up to the front door and then right on through it like she owned the place.


Sit back for a moment and just try and imagine the look of absolute. horror on her face. I honestly thought she was going to have a coronary right in my front porch. The poor lady! And, if you're reading this, I am so sorry if I glared at you when you walked in...I just couldn't figure out how something like that could happen. I know it was rude, and for that I apologize. But, looking back, I now find it hilariously funny. Forgive my ignorance at your expense.

Really, though.

Too. Funny.

Late this afternoon, I sat down and began making Christmas cards for mom. Here they are:

There are 12 all together; 6 with the green paper- 3 of which are landscape form and 3 of which are vertical; and 6 are made with the red snowflake paper- 3 that are landscaped and 3 that are vertical. Super simple and super quick. I'm done them already! The best part- and the part that I just absolutely love- is the background on the burgundy card stock (the base paper): it was stamped with white ink. I think I'm in love. Its my new favourite thing to use! Here's a few other cards I made using white ink:

Oh, but I think you can also find these cards here.

Anywho. My point is that white ink rocks, even on lighter coloured card stock:

Excuse the colour in this photo, its waaayyy off. It should be lilac paper that's matted on burgundy, which is matted on lilac paper. I love the silhouette look!

(Can you tell I like white ink, just a little bit??)

"Find Joy in the Little Things"

I made some cards today

because my mind has been on her for the last few days. Actually, she's been on my mind off and on since mom told me that she's really sick.

That was four or five years ago.

And, my heart breaks for her.

Continually.

And, I keep thinking about her, wondering how she's doing, if she's getting any better, if the medication has begun working and made some positive outcomes happen in her life.

And, I wonder how it even happened.

I asked about her on Sunday; an aunt has regular contact with her, and sees her every so often at their kids' basketball games. She's gained a lot of weight; partly its due to the medication that's been prescribed; partly its due to her lack of health. Jokingly, she told my aunt to tell the family that she's away on vacation and that's why her absence is felt (not just noticed) at the annual Christmas family party. Its a sad, painful reminder of what's going on- seeing an uncle and his kids out without their wife and mother.

It makes me wonder what kind of pain they feel over their mom's circumstance. Are they confused? Are they embarrassed by it? Are they afraid of what their mother could- might do to herself? And, the aunt I spoke with has told her that she can- she will get through this and return to her old self again. She will be transformed through prayer, medical and psychological insight and good medical attention, though she feels that latter part isn't happening.

Unfortunately.

Then, I found myself awkwardly asking, 'what can I do?'

Because, what can I do for the family member that I've hardly spoken to, except for when I was young, and she was young- about to marry my uncle (or newly married) to him? How have I, in an unintentional, unforeseen way, contributed to her current state of health? How can I remedy that?

The relative I mentioned here came to our wedding nearly three years ago. As far as I'm aware, that was the first time she participated in a family function since her own wedding disintegrated years before. I had sent an email to her, stating that I'd very much like it if she came, because what happened back then was water under the bridge, and I wasn't the type to judge her for it or hold a grudge against her because its not a 'Christianly' thing to have done. Bah. I'm so sorry that some of our family has to be that way.

And, as weddings go, and because I was the bride, visiting was kept to a minimum. Actually, I didn't thank her personally for coming. I didn't let her know how happy it made me that she actually came. And, I have regretted it since. I asked her in an email if she was coming to the family party this past weekend, and she told me she was. Yes! A chance to make up for the mistake I made then. It took me a while to build up the courage to approach her and her guest, but I finally did, and I am so happy that I conquered my fear and stepped out of my comfort zone!

I've been teaching myself to step out of that comfort zone since we moved back to Alberta. I've made good friends here in town, and I am very happy. Now, its time to take it a step further, and bridge the gaps between myself and my family. And, that should include her.

I enjoy scrapbooking, and I love making cards. Naturally I thought sending her a card might cheer some part of her up. I don't have her mailing address (though it wouldn't be hard to figure out; some of our family lives on the old farmstead in Leduc; she and my uncle live in Oma's old house. Their address will be the same as another aunts, and cousins...)

But, the place I will start is with an email. She told me not to expect a response, because most likely there won't be one; but at least she'll know someone is thinking of her and missing her. Maybe one day, after some time, I will venture out and send her a card. A response isn't needed. Maybe I'll just send a card anyways. That's just me.

I just want to help in some small way.

(And, by the way, the sentiment on the cards at the top of the post says 'find joy in the little things')

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~ 251 ~ babies- pardon me- toddlers that come hobbling up to you because they are exhausted and fall asleep in their mama's arms

~ 252 ~ courage

~ 253 ~ new phrases that we've picked up: 'good morning' and 'good night'

~ 254 ~ their new favourite place to hide things: the drawer at the bottom of the stove

Baby Kisses

 Bath night is a big to do in our household. The girls ask for it frequently- along with brushing their teeth. And, normally bath time is the only time of day that they can handle each other in a small, confined space for any length of time.

For the most part. When we moved into the apartment, I decided that maybe bathing the kids together would be a good way to introduce them to playing with each other, and hopefully it would translate into other areas of their day, too. That hasn't happened to the scale I'd like it to just yet, but they do have their moments. And, when they do, it warms this mama's heart.

Things like this, when they occur, warm this mama's heart, too:

Just after this photo was taken, the arch enemies returned. Fighting, then crying for a few brief moments followed, and once again playing near each other, but not with each other. The best part was that daddy got to see them kissing each other, too. In person, not second hand. It was priceless!

Oma made both girls a new set of tuque's and mittens to go along with their snow suits, and while we were in the city this weekend, they tried them on for us. As you can tell, Miss Addison thoroughly enjoyed hers, but Miss Maren didn't one bit. And, like we've done since the kids came home from the hospital, they're in their colours- Addison in purple and Maren in pink.

Think they'll grow up loving those colours?

Our trip into the city was rushed. Two days to get all that we needed done done was challenging, but we did it! The only thing that is still left on our to do list is visit great Oma. Maybe we'll get to do that over Christmas, since our plans have changed, and we'll be celebrating with my parents and sis and BIL in the city rather than here.

My biggest item on our agenda while we were there was to get some Christmas shopping done, and buy the girls bigger clothes. I can't believe they've moved out of 2T already and are fitting into 3T. They're only 2! They're tall, though; especially Maren. She'll be tall like her daddy. Husbands MUST DO item was accomplished: find and buy his wife's Christmas present. At first, it was without whiff knowing about it, then it became, I have a confession. I knew what it was; I had seen typed into the google search bar on our lap top apple. 


Huh.

And, yes, I am now typing on my new Mac. I love it! And, I love that rather than having to order Christmas post cards from my favourite store Walmart, I can actually make them, order them, and have them shipped to me from Apple instead- and they're the same price! AND, a person can utilize both sides of the post card, not just the front. It was $40 that was well spent, in my humble opinion!!

Now that I'm done bragging, I won't have any surprises left for Christmas day, when we plan to celebrate with just the four of us. But, that's ok. I've been spoiled. I'm so lucky!

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~ 245 ~ my husband

~ 246 ~ a new computer that won't frustrate us anymore

~ 247 ~ the means necessary to purchase new clothes and Christmas gifts for the ones we love

~ 248 ~ spending time with extended family

~ 249 ~ connecting and catching up with a cousin that some of our family considers a 'black sheep'

~ 250 ~ the tea he made me

Movember

I continually draw blanks when it comes to blogging, which doesn't really make any sense to me, because I enjoy jotting down my thoughts and feelings and what our crazy family does and goes through; I like the idea of the kids one day flipping through my journal entries and laughing at the goofy things we've done (or that have happened), crying through the difficult posts, and understanding some situations that they maybe didn't understand at a specific time. I like the idea of them learning who their mother is through reading through her most intimate thoughts.

Because of that, I am going to try- diligently- to post every day this month; if I'm successful, I'll try it again for another month. It doesn't matter if its little things that I post about; I want to record and savor memories for my children to cherish when they're older :) (In addition to my newfound personal endeavor to scrapbook again, too).

Mo-vember is over. At first, many years ago, I didn't think I would like it, and I thought he should lose it. Now, I'm sad to see its gone, and can hardly wait for it to grow back!

Husband with handle bars

Baby faced husband sans handle bars

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~ 240 ~ having a little bit of adult time last night- before the hurricane hit!

~ 241 ~ a new outfit that fits like a glove

~ 242 ~ the kids seem to be feeling better; no accidents since last night

~ 243 ~ the gingerbread house candle holder from a dear friend, and how much she *adores* the way it looks lit up with no lights on

~ 244 ~ enjoying a long over due visit with great Oma this coming weekend



Big Mouth

Oookay, so I spoke too soon. I have a nasty habit of doing that...

Poor little one threw up just after her bath last night, just after being put in a fresh, clean pair of pyjama's, just after she found herself some milk and gulped it down. It could have been the yogurt the kids ate earlier in the day, too, but it forced itself out onto the kitchen floor just in the nick of time- for bed time.

You know, I'd rather that than on any of the carpet in the house. The only problem is, the house is 95% carpet!! Clean up is so much easier!!!

And, earlier in the evening, poor little lady had a poo that she didn't even realize was happening until it was making its way out, too; kind of like her mama, when she was feeling icky just a day earlier. She awoke this morning covered in it from head to toe; into the bath she went for another cleaning...

That was the only one she's had today. I'm finally taking the advice she gave me (dear mom- and the box of Immodium that husband bought from the drug store), and I'm keeping the kids, husband and myself away from milk, fruit, alcohol (not that any of us makes it a habit of drinking it), fatty foods, spicy foods, sweetened juices...we've only eaten foods that are clear in nature or that doesn't have fatty items on them, like butter on toast. Just the dry stuff for us.

Its put a damper on our plans for the weekend, but they haven't totally flown out the window yet. Because the kids have had such a good day- we even ventured out for a few minutes to meet up with grandpa K as he passed through town- we may still head to the city on Saturday.

And, I think that will be a good thing; Maren has been asking for auntie all day long.

We'll keep our fingers and toes crossed!