I made some cards today
because my mind has been on her for the last few days. Actually, she's been on my mind off and on since mom told me that she's really sick.
That was four or five years ago.
And, my heart breaks for her.
And, I keep thinking about her, wondering how she's doing, if she's getting any better, if the medication has begun working and made some positive outcomes happen in her life.
And, I wonder how it even happened.
I asked about her on Sunday; an aunt has regular contact with her, and sees her every so often at their kids' basketball games. She's gained a lot of weight; partly its due to the medication that's been prescribed; partly its due to her lack of health. Jokingly, she told my aunt to tell the family that she's away on vacation and that's why her absence is felt (not just noticed) at the annual Christmas family party. Its a sad, painful reminder of what's going on- seeing an uncle and his kids out without their wife and mother.
It makes me wonder what kind of pain they feel over their mom's circumstance. Are they confused? Are they embarrassed by it? Are they afraid of what their mother could- might do to herself? And, the aunt I spoke with has told her that she can- she will get through this and return to her old self again. She will be transformed through prayer, medical and psychological insight and good medical attention, though she feels that latter part isn't happening.
Then, I found myself awkwardly asking, 'what can I do?'
Because, what can I do for the family member that I've hardly spoken to, except for when I was young, and she was young- about to marry my uncle (or newly married) to him? How have I, in an unintentional, unforeseen way, contributed to her current state of health? How can I remedy that?
The relative I mentioned here came to our wedding nearly three years ago. As far as I'm aware, that was the first time she participated in a family function since her own wedding disintegrated years before. I had sent an email to her, stating that I'd very much like it if she came, because what happened back then was water under the bridge, and I wasn't the type to judge her for it or hold a grudge against her because its not a 'Christianly' thing to have done. Bah. I'm so sorry that some of our family has to be that way.
And, as weddings go, and because I was the bride, visiting was kept to a minimum. Actually, I didn't thank her personally for coming. I didn't let her know how happy it made me that she actually came. And, I have regretted it since. I asked her in an email if she was coming to the family party this past weekend, and she told me she was. Yes! A chance to make up for the mistake I made then. It took me a while to build up the courage to approach her and her guest, but I finally did, and I am so happy that I conquered my fear and stepped out of my comfort zone!
I've been teaching myself to step out of that comfort zone since we moved back to Alberta. I've made good friends here in town, and I am very happy. Now, its time to take it a step further, and bridge the gaps between myself and my family. And, that should include her.
I enjoy scrapbooking, and I love making cards. Naturally I thought sending her a card might cheer some part of her up. I don't have her mailing address (though it wouldn't be hard to figure out; some of our family lives on the old farmstead in Leduc; she and my uncle live in Oma's old house. Their address will be the same as another aunts, and cousins...)
But, the place I will start is with an email. She told me not to expect a response, because most likely there won't be one; but at least she'll know someone is thinking of her and missing her. Maybe one day, after some time, I will venture out and send her a card. A response isn't needed. Maybe I'll just send a card anyways. That's just me.
I just want to help in some small way.
(And, by the way, the sentiment on the cards at the top of the post says 'find joy in the little things')
~ 251 ~ babies- pardon me- toddlers that come hobbling up to you because they are exhausted and fall asleep in their mama's arms
~ 252 ~ courage
~ 253 ~ new phrases that we've picked up: 'good morning' and 'good night'
~ 254 ~ their new favourite place to hide things: the drawer at the bottom of the stove