My heart stung this afternoon when I put you down for a nap, Addison. I am not sure why going for a nap was such a huge deal for you; all I know is that you did not want to go for a nap, and you fought valiantly not to do so. Your screaming clearly told me you weren't impressed, and it broke my heart. My impulse was to take you from your crib and sit with you in front of the tv. I was scared you were going to wake your sister with all the protesting you were making. My next impulse was just to take you out of your crib so that your screaming would stop. In all honesty, it makes me anxious. I don't like it when you cry- especially when you're so vehemently livid over something. Its in my nature to want to fix and smooth over.
But, as your mama, I'm learning that in some situations I have to be tough. The tougher lesson is to learn how to do it in a loving manner, consistently. I hope I'm doing a good job! And, in some situations, the decisions I make might not be right. Right now, they may not be right because you don't have the words and vocabulary to tell me precisely what it is that you want or need. In that half hour that you fought so hard, a lot of possibilities to explain your behaviour ran through my mind- were you hungry, were you thirsty, were you just plain not tired? Deep down, I think you just weren't tired; and when you woke from your nap only an hour later, that suspicion was confirmed in my brain.
But, maybe it was a mixture of a few things. You lit up like a light bulb when I handed you cookies to snack on, and once I handed your juice to you, it left my hand quickly and entered your mouth even faster. I admit lunch was on the smaller side, but thats because we woke up at 9:30 this morning. We had a late breakfast, and lunch again at 11:30. I didn't think you needed anymore than that. If you did, I'm sorry.
You were pretty happy sitting with me on the couch while we waited for your sister to wake up. And, you were super adorable when you handed me your bowl and said, 'hat'. Its cute watching you, little one. Did it suit me, once I put it on my head? A little small, I think, but chic nonetheless!
Miss Maren, I was both surprised and hurt when you hit me in the face tonight when daddy and I were trying to put you to bed. I know our reaction and firmness made you cry, but that was to show you that hitting isn't ok. It doesn't matter who you hit; its never ok.
I am still not sure why you were so cranky today. Its so unlike you. You're my inquisitive, get-into-everything, busy little lady that's soft hearted and tender. Are you coming down with something again, or is it from your immunizations the other day? Your sister has been just as cranky as you, but the only way she shows it is through throwing things away from herself and screaming it out.
But, when I hear you say things like 'good morning' and 'good night' and 'yippee' just as clear as day, I feel so proud. You are picking things up so quickly, my dear! You know your p's and q's already, and use them quite efficiently on a regular basis; I've begun hearing you say 'ok' when we talk about things or I ask you a question. You definitely know your sister, and you call to her to wake her up in the morning- if she isn't awake before you.
Daddy and I both looked at each other in surprise tonight when we took you out to Home Hardware. I think both of you are suffering cabin fever, and for that I sincerely apologize. I have not been feeling well for the last few weeks, and my lack of desire to leave the house until I'm feeling better has been affecting you two. The way you both perked up and talked and talked and talked while we drove the five minutes to get there proved that to us. Miss Maren, you've been asking on almost a daily basis for swimming, and I keep promising you that we will go soon, and I hope I can keep that promise for you. I know how much both you and your sister love it, and it makes me sad that my health has been so poor recently. We haven't gone on play dates, we haven't gone swimming, we haven't gone out period. I'm sure you're both bored and tired of the same old, same old. In fact, mama worries that her friends might think she doesn't want to spend time with them. They said the thought hasn't crossed their minds, but the pessimist in me isn't so sure.
Oh, dear. I hope I don't teach you girls to be as pessimistic as I!