Why didn't I do this sooner?
In my frantic attempt to make more 'me' time in my day, I would stay up late at night doing my own thing- scrapbooking, playing on the computer, blogging--whatever struck my fancy. 99% of the time, that precious time was devoted to scrapbooking. It still is. And, it is going to continue to be.
For as long as I can remember, keeping balance in my life has been a real struggle. Especially when I fall head over heels with a new endeavour, hobby, infatuation. (Like most recently, scrapbook.com. And the challenges I've joined, and the encouragement and self esteem boost that all the comments on my projects have been to me...the list goes on). Its been an issue for me- and still continues to be- and its caused problems.
I don't know when, or if, I'll fall off the band wagon again, but I honestly hope I don't. This time, I don't think I will. Like I just mentioned, the boost in self esteem has been incredible. The cynical, pessimistic part of myself keeps asking if people are just being unnecessarily kind, when what they see before them they really don't like at all (but, they're grabbing at sticks to find something positive to say). And, the optimistic side of me is clinging to the hope that people really do like what they see, and that's what I've chosen to believe. Because, even if there isn't much to like about my projects, they're still finding something to make me feel like I'm one of the most creative scrapbookers on the face of the planet. And, bless their hearts for that!
But.
It was causing problems. I wasn't spending time with Kyle--or at least enough time, and partly the reason for that was due to resentment, I guess. If he was going to fall asleep on the couch and not spend any time with me- while I sat right next to him- why bother staying there on the couch with him? Sounds reasonable, right? It was, and we came to the agreement that I would leave if he fell asleep on the couch again (just as he began using his C-pap machine). Now that its making a difference in his sleep patterns (though I still have to admit I don't know how that man can sleep so easily! Even WITH the C-pap!) I have no excuse anymore.
Bunny trail.
So, just recently, we began spending more time with each other after the kids go to bed. We will watch something we've recorded with the pvr, and then (most times) I'll wander over to the scrap room and sit down to play for a while. It was working, and its been a refreshing, positive change. Whenever Kyle walked past the office on his way to bed, I would let him know I was on my way, but that would usually end up being another hour or two later. LOL Yes, I get really absorbed in my craft. I don't know why the time has to fly by so quickly!!
The change I am most excited about is what I began implementing this morning.
Because, even though I would sit with husband and watch a little tv with him, I was still staying up late and sleeping in during the morning. (My kids usually sleep until 9 or 9:30). (Oh, I should mention, I dislike watching tv, and movies. Its a waste of brain cells, and I feel that I could be doing something more productive with my time- like reading, scrapbooking, spending valuable time with my husband via conversation, dates, playing games...) He likes watching tv. Its the way he unwinds after a long day at work, and I can't blame him for it. Things aren't as easy to come by now that we've got kids. And, that's fine. They are a blessing to me, and I am thankful every day for them. I just wish that there were days/nights that we could work around the tv.
We still have a long ways to go. I am making changes; but husband does, too. He is getting what he's been lacking. Now I need to get what I've been lacking! (and I just mentioned it in the paragraph above--sincere, plausible, tangible conversing, kicking up the romance a notch, being the couple we were before children came along: the couple that was in love.)
Work in progress, right? Once again, its finding balance.
I know my thoughts are all over the place, but I'm just jotting them down as they come to me. Otherwise this post will never get written! And, its incredibly personal, too, but that's part of the reason for this blog. Its to share every aspect of my (our) lives; not just the happy (though I am making a concerted effort to keep it that way!), the scrappy, the kiddy...its my outlet.
So, my new plan? The one I'm implementing? To help repair the somewhat precarious situation our relationship is in, I am waking up with husband in the mornings. Of course, not at 4 in the morning, if that's the time he needs to be up; but at 6. I get a little more time to myself before the kids wake up- I can prepare myself for the day ahead before the day actually begins, and I get just a few more minutes in the day to spend with the man that I love. At night, the plan is to head to bed when he does, so that we can spend just a few more minutes before letting sleep claim us, to talk about our day--or anything, really. My personal goal is to keep awake the entire day (rather than crashing again at nap time, along with the kids), so that I'm good and tired by the time 10 o'clock rolls around. Its what I used to do--when we were dating, and then when we got married. Of course, having kids threw a kink into that routine, but now that they're older, and sleeping in, there's no reason I can't do it again! So, I'm happy to announce that I'm doing it!! Yay me!
Its just one more way I can help return our relationship to its pre-twinlets state. Or, at least, try and salvage remnants of it now that the twinlets are here.
I'm so pumped! I feel good!
28* positive changes
29* positive feedback from my children
Ok, so feel good story of the day:
I know this is a crazy angle to take a picture at, but I was trying to get a shot of what I was wearing yesterday without a mirror to help me. (Why I didn't think of it while I was in the moment I'll never know, but here's the result).
All of us girls were in skirts/dresses yesterday. I was in a girly, pretty, frilly mood, so I pulled out the super cute summer dresses grandma M bought the kids, and put them on (making sure they were still cool-spring-weather-appropriate). I went for a shower after getting them dressed.
Oh, and before I go any further--its our duty (and our privilege) as mama's to monitor the kind of clothing our children wear- we get to pick out the cute outfits, we put what we like on our children, we know what we like and what we don't like. But, who monitors the way we dress?
That's the eternal question of the day...LOL
My children answered that question for me yesterday. Addison met me at our bedroom door as I was walking out, and her first reaction was, {Sigh} 'ohhhhh, cute!' and she touched my shirt and sweater. Then she went on to say that mama's in a 'dress'.
Oh. Dear.
Apparently I don't dress nice often enough!!!
{its a crazy shot, but I actually kind of love it. you'll see it on an lo one of these days!}
30* NSD (national scrapbooking day)
{my plan is to put the baby gate across the doorway of the office, and play to my hearts content. That way, the kids can still come and see me, I can still talk with husband without totally shutting myself off from the world, and if he (or they) need me, all I need to do is climb over the gate, and I'll be part of regular family life again (even if its only shortly or momentary.) I can't wait!!!}
No comments:
Post a Comment